Aftermath (Ali)

Caution: Assult, Alcolohism, Self harm, and abuse mentioned

I can't tell. He won't let me tell. If I do I wonder what would happen? No, don't do it. Close your eyes, forget it. Go away, go away, go away!

“Ali? Why are you on the floor?” Dalish nudges me with her boot. I blink and shake my head waiting for my vision to focus. “Huh?” I look at her. “You were standing really still then you just kinda fell over and hit the ground.” She replies extending her staff, or excuse me, her bow with one hand and the other gripping skinner's hand tightly. She pulls me up and I brush the dust off my clothes. “You okay kid?” Bull asks from his seat at the bar. I shrug “I guess, probably just tired.” I say and walk out the door back towards Skyhold.

I walk the cobbled path back towards the castle kicking pebbles as I go. What's that noise? I look at the sky, thunder. The sky's a light grey, probably will rain later, I put the hood of my cloak up and continue walking. “Alarian!!!” A voice yells and I stop and turn around, it's Krem. Bulls second and command and by some standards, adopted son. He runs up to me and stops, bending over and panting. “Why are you such a fast walker?” A smile tugs at the corner of my mouth “Years of having to get from study to study I guess.” He straightens up “My high school was four floors and I can't walk that fast! Anyways, Bull wanted to talk to you, that's why I had to run after you.” I sigh “But I was just gonna take a nap!” He takes a section of my cloak and starts to half lead me and half drag me back to the tavern “I didn't ask to have to run half a mile and you didn't ask for this. We're even now, so let's go!” I try to pull away and instead he turns, grabs my legs, and picks me up, carrying me the rest of the way as I silently mope, I know what this is about I think.

Krem puts me down outside the paneled glass doors of the tavern and holds the door as I walk inside and follows after me. “Tracked ‘em down boss!” He yells once inside the tavern. Bull pokes his head out from the second floor balcony “up here you two.” We walk up the stairs to where Bull is standing. He leads us to a smaller room off the main hallway, first one on the left. This must be his tavern room, I can get why Dorian, and bull for the matter, might get a bit claustrophobic in here, though I've been in worse. I distract myself from the flashbacks attempting to infiltrate my thoughts and push them away. “You listening Ali?” Bull waves his hand in front of my eyes and I become aware of my surroundings again “Uh no. Sorry.” He leans back in his chair “What I asked was why do you think you passed out earlier, and what's going on?” I shrug “what do you mean? About ‘what's going on?’ I don't understand.” Krem sits on the desk and swings his legs back and forth “What he's tryin’ to say is ‘we know some shit happened. But what are the details’ and just how are ya holding up in general? To put it simply, how's life?” Krem says with a kind look on his face, I look at his arms that are gripping the desk and holding him up, they are lined with faded scars, I never noticed that. “A-Alright, I'll tell you what happened. Did Fenris, or Wynne explain any of the injuries to you?” Bull nods “Fenris explained some, Wynne gave me a medical report. But from what you've been acting like, it's abnormal, what else happened?” I take a breath and look at Krem “Krem, did anyone ever do anything to you because you're trans?” I ask and he looks up as if he's thinking “By ‘do anything’ you mean touch me? Hurt me? Now that I think of it, actually yes.” He says to me. “Well, something like that might have happened, but for a different reason.” I say quietly. Bull puts a hand around his ear, he didn't hear me, “He touched me okay!” I yell as I burst into tears, and pull my knees to my chest, burying my face between them. Krems jaw drops in shock and he puts a hand over his mouth “oh my god.” He whispers to no one in particular. Bull gets up and gives me a hug, and simply let's me cry. I look up at the two after I have no more tears to shed and Bull hands me a handkerchief to wipe my eyes with. “I'm gonna ask you some questions now, if you don't want to answer one, or any of them. You let me know and we'll either skip it or stop. Okay?” I nod. He pulls out a pen and piece of scrap paper “let's start with basics, What exactly did he do?” Bull asks and waits for a reply. “He uh, he sort of ran his hand along my body, and then umm, let's just say he touched some stuff that's off limits so to speak. Then uh, well let's just say it's something Lesbisns do but wrong area. So if anything it's the Gays.” Krem grits his teeth “I get how you feel then. Similar thing happened to me.” I look at him, His fists are tightly clenched, I hope this doesn't trigger bad memories for him. Bull writes down the information “Have you told anyone else about this?” I shake my head “he said I couldn't.” Bull writes that down too “Here's a bit of advice Ali my friend, if anything like this happens again which I really hope it doesn’t, 1. Call 911, and 2. Talk to someone.” Krem voiced his agreement and adds that mental breakdowns are not a good thing. I agree on that fact. “What are your coping mechanisms?” Bull asks me which causes me to think for a moment. “I kick stuff, cast spells on the sword dummies, read, sleep, or if it's really bad pain and I have no where else to turn occasionally I'll rifle through the drink cabinets.” I admit. “So alcohol?” Krem asks for clarification. “Elves have an incredibly high alcohol tolerance, basically it's impossible to get an elf drunk. Or at least older ones that is, like me.” Krem nods “Alcoholism still ain't a good thing though.” I nod “yeah, I know. But with the aftermath of everything where else am I supposed to turn with pain of that magnitude?” Bull interrupts “We’re not saying you're in trouble or anything, we are just pointing out that stuff like that can be a bad habit. So try to stop it before it becomes a habit. And you can always come talk to us if you want.” Bull then stands and turns to Krem “whaddaya Krem-puff shall we go have a ‘talk’ with Commander Curly on why it's not nice to disrespect people's boundaries and assault them?” Krem hops down from the desk “Gladly.” I look at them “you two aren't just going to have a ‘talk’ with him are you?” Both shake their head “no no no. We are not.” Bull grabs his sword and shoos us out the door, he'll catch up with us. “Cmon, I'll walk you back.” Krem says “and walk slower this time please.” I scoff and run ahead “catch me if you can!” He sighs “You gotta be kidding me Ali!” He starts to run after me but I can be remarkably fast and even beat him to Skyhold, I turn the corner into the gardens and run directly into Zevran staggering back and falling over into the grass. Krem skids to a stop and stands over me we a grin “cons of being fast.” Zevran looks between the two of us “What?” He asks and then looks down at me “and where were you at temple today?” I shrug and Krem intervenes “They were having a mental breakdown so that took a while.” I smirk up at Zevran who blinks “Okay, well then. And why are you still laying there?” He gives me a look of confusion “Because I'm lazy that's why.” He extends a glove covered hand and then pulls me to my feet, thanks Krem who waves and heads off towards the main part of the castle. I guess in the aftermath of things, anything really, has both pros and cons. Sure stuff like this can mess you up. But it can also make you stronger, more resilient, and you learn things you otherwise wouldn't have known. I think to myself as Krem disappears, leaping over the garden wall...

As a side note one of Bulls canon nicknames for Krem is Krem-puff. And that makes me laugh.

Until next time,

Max