Anxious (Anna)

Never again am I walking up those blasted steps! The two of us lean on the cold stone of the monastery catching our breath. Seven thousand gods damn steps, was this really necessary?! I forcefully knock on the door and moments later one of the graybeards, Borri, comes and opens the door, letting us inside out of the cold. The leader of the graybeards greets us as we walk into the main room. “Good evening Dovahkiin. I hope your travels went well?” The robed man asks. “It could have gone better.” Arngeir looks at us, tired, cold, and sopping wet. “How so?” My shoulders slump “If it weren't for those fu-” I'm interrupted by a sharp jab in my ribs and I glance over at Farkas, who's giving me a stern look. I take a breath “Just, the steps were a bit of an inconvenience at this time of night.” I tell Arngeir. “Well then, you should get some rest. Both of you. I'm sure you know what room?” And we nod and thank him, then turn and go up the small staircase to the living quarters, and our room is the first one on the right. Farkas closes the door behind him and I place our things against the side of the desk by the window. “I'm tired.” I yawn and stretch slightly. “Same here. Get dressed and go to sleep then.” He says. “And what are you gonna do?” I ask, as he made no mention of going to sleep himself. Though I understand the fact that though he may be tired, he can't always sleep very well. It's got something to do with his anxiety, the more anxious he is, it's harder for him to sleep, or focus, or do something differently. Vilkas is similar, very reluctant to change. “I'm going to talk with Arngeir for a bit. Not too long.” I give him a sleepy smile “don't stay up too late alright?” And he nods “I know. I know. I'll probably be fifteen to twenty minutes maximum.” I look up from digging through my pack for my clothes. “Have fun with that.” Farkas laughs slightly and opens the door, closing it behind him as he steps out. Occasionally I wonder what he talks about with Arngeir, as he'll rarely tell me, and if he does, it's rather vague.


I find my clothes then and tug them out of the poorly packed bag with some effort, poor planning on my part. After a letter from the greybeards saying we should come as quick as we can, we threw some clothes and other mandatory items in a bag and were on our way to Iverstead. Grasping the sleeve of my dress I slip it over my head and off my body, folding it and putting it away before taking my shirt and pant and after a moment of struggle I manage to put them on. My gaze then turns to the bed and I realize how tired I am. Sleepily I crawl under the covers, the good thing is they are nice and warm, and made of a soft almost velvet like material of which I can't remember the name...if I knew it in the first place. I close my eyes and within no time I'm fast asleep.

Later:

Movement beside me causes me to wake from a dreamless sleep. I roll over onto my side and go to sit up but Farkas stops me, putting a hand on my arm. “It's just me.” He whispers and climbs in next to me. “How was your talk or whatever you were doing?” I ask though my speech is slurred due to sleepiness. Farkas wraps his arms around me and pulls me on top of him. “It was good, mostly just catching up.” He says softly while running a hand through my hair. I lay my head on his chest, “That's good. I'm tired.” I reply but get no answer. I look up at Farkas, but he's already asleep…and if you've never seen him sleep, to put it simply, it's adorable.

Ugh, forgot I set the alarm to 7:00 AM. I slam a fist on the snooze button to quiet the annoying noise and fall down on my back with a sigh. Might as well go back to sleep for a couple of hours. It's not like we have anything to do at this time in the morning, no one's even up yet. Now it's just the problem of actually falling asleep again.

“Len, wake up.” Huh? Farkas pokes me on the cheek a couple of times, and goes to do it again before I shove his hand out of the way. “I'm up.” I say groggily rubbing sleep from my eyes. Farkas sits back on his legs with a devious smirk on his face, I can see he's already dressed. I stare at him “what're you lookin at?” He laughs and take my hands, pulling me up and into his lap “nothing in particular. Just how cute you are.” I can feel myself blushing as my face gets hot. “You should get dressed.” He says after a short period of silence. “Way to ruin the moment.” He shrugs “It could be worse. Now get dressed.” I sigh, take my clothes, and go to get dressed.


High Hrothgar courtyard 11:00 AM

Why do sceneries have to be so hard to draw?! Getting slightly ticked off I erase my paper for, well I've lost count by now, probably the fifteenth time. Ugh, might as well just draw something else. But it's highly unlikely the sky will be this clear again, at least up here. Now my pencils broken! Annoyed I get up and pace back and forth looking out at the forested slopes of the mountain and the flat, grassy plains beyond, of which Whiterun can be easily seen. Suddenly I feel an arm around my waist, “What're you doing?” I turn my head and Farkas is staring at me and I give him a smile that can only be described as, well, fake. “Nothin’” and he frowns, my smile goes away though his expression doesn't change. “What did I say about cliffs?” I wrack my brain for any recollection of cliffs being mentioned but can't remember anything. “I don't know.” I shrug. He starts dragging me backwards towards the building. “Wait! My stuff!” I protest and struggle to get out of his grip. Farkas picks me up and takes my drawing stuff his other hand then resumes walking back inside. I stop struggling, it wouldn't do much. “Where are we going and why?” I ask he carries me. “Inside. You and I are going to have a little chat.” This sounds like it will be either interesting or incredibly boring. Ughhh.

The door closes behind us and Farkas puts me down, handing me my sketchbook and pencil box. “Let's find somewhere quiet.” He looks around and begins walking down one of the hallways, I follow him. Eventually we find an old and currently unused study, get permission from Angeir and then with the door closed we sit across from each other, neither saying anything. “Sooo, about the cliff thing?” I ask. Farkas sighs “First off, sorry for dragging you through the snow. And as for the cliffs, I dunno it's just been ever since Caitlin died…” He trails off and looks down. I lean in “what about it?” Though I think I know the answer. “Caitlin died by falling off a very tall building. And what do buildings,balconies, and cliffs have in common? Ledges. And people can fall off of ledges. Especially people with poor balance.” He pokes me lightly in the chest, “meaning you.” Due to nerve damage from my prematurity I don't exactly have the best balance, and so I can fall over easily. “So you think I'd try to kill myself?” Farkas shakes his head “No, not that. Just that you'd accidentally fall over probably.” As long as he doesn't think I'd kill myself, I may sometimes have low self esteem but not to the extent that I'd kill myself. “Well I'll stay away from ledges then. if that will make you feel better and not be an anxious wreck?” Farkas looks up at me “Thanks Anna. I appreciate it.” I stand up and give him a quick kiss and bop him on the nose “And if you ever feel anxious you can always talk to me you know.” His grin widens. I open the door and stand in the doorway. “Let's go.” I motion for him to stand up and come here. He stands up and comes to walk over to me, but I run down the hall giggling. I look back at him from further down the hallway. “You said to stay away from ledges but didn't mention anything about running around!” I shout to him, he rolls his eyes. “When I catch up with you you're in trouble so start running!” Farkas shouts back to me and starts counting down from five. Gotta go!!!

This was fun to write :)

Until next time,
Max