I'm Still Here (Lucien)

Mini prompt: I’m Still Here

Despite everything people still seem to not entirely understand me, truthfully they never have. Regardless of how much I try to make myself known, or change to fit the standards of society, or belong, it doesn’t work. It’s not so bad though, at least I know who I am, even if I still want to feel like I belong. In the end I’m still here, and they can’t tell me who to be. I’ll keep living for me, and me alone. Even so, the world is full of twisted words and lies, backstabbing and treachery, unchanging and ever going on. I think about it late one night sitting in the corner of the sanctuary while everyone else sleeps. Ocheeva and her brother had gone to bed hours ago, as did many of the other members, Vicente more recently decided it was time for a nap in his coffin, and Issy is away on a contract for the fighters guild. It only leaves me awake, or more accurately me and Jeff the dark guardian who wanders the halls. The creaking of bones as he walks back and forth on patrol can be heard even from my little corner where I sit thinking and attempting to figure out the remains of a puzzle. I should have gone home, but the rain that unexpectedly showed up put a damper on my plans, so I’m stuck here for the night. In theory I could brave the rain, though I’m not sure I want to end up soaked by the time I get home. It’s better just to stay here for night, to sit up and think. It has been too long since I have been in the sanctuary for any significant amount of time, lately most of my time has been taken up with meetings of the Black Hand who seem to enjoy bossing me around. While having my position comes with certain perks, I still end up lacking that feeling of belonging. My absence from the sanctuary makes that more pointed, as the Black Hand may try to tell me who to be, but I’m not what they see in a typical member, and so deep down I keep dreaming. One day I’ll find a place to belong, somewhere where I fit in, and in the meantime I’m still here, with the small amount of people who do care. The faint creaking of bones and the flickering torch light in the dimly lit sanctuary reminds me of that, and that is a comforting fact so late at night.