Pain (Fenris)

Hawke mansion 7:15 PM

Background: Alarian is staying with the Hawke siblings + Fenris and went out some time ago, their location is unknown at the time. Bethany thinks their with Carver, While Carver thinks their with Garret and actually Garret is in the Library giving Fenris a reading lesson and Alarian's off on their own doing who knows what.

We’re in the library, Hawke trails his fingers from word to word as he reads them aloud. I process everyone as if it's the last thing I'll ever hear. Then I hear a frantic knocking at the door. “I'll get it!” Bethany yells from the dining room and runs to answer it. Minutes later Carver barges in “you two need to see this.” He says urgently. Hawke places the market in the book and we hurriedly go into the hallway. It's Ali, oh no. Their sitting in a chair with Bethany tending to them. She looks at us “They went for a walk by themselves and, well, they got into some trouble.” I would call this more than “getting into some trouble.” Ali looks terrible, cut up and bruised, bleeding in various places and just generally not very well. Bethany stands and whispers something to her brothers. I crouch down to where Ali’s sitting “so you want to tell me what happened?” I ask. They sniffle “I went for a walk around high town and then some mean people were giving me trouble so I ran and I climbed up onto one of the buildings, and I got into a fight, and I fell off the building into a bush.” They laugh slightly at the ending. “Now was that really a good idea?” Alarian shakes their head. At least they know that.

We seem to have few options, this seems like it's going to hurt. Bethany goes and gets a needle and thread. Only problem- Ali’s terrified of needles, to around the extent that I am afraid of slavers or the Tevinter imperium in general. Bad experiences with Qunari soldiers during the dark times of night and shadow, carved numbers into skin, silver markings and alchemy symbols. Ali’s memories, fears and past. Just as I have mine, Lyrium, incantations and rituals, slavers and dogs. Pain. Bethany rubs some anesthetic on their arm and begins to insert the needle, Ali screams and Bethany continues to stitch up the wound. Whence that's finished Ali starts sobbing and clutching their side. Hawke leaves the room and goes into the kitchen, I follow him, he goes and grabs a bottle of vodka and a shot glass, I grip his arm “Is this really a good idea?! No it's not!” I say worriedly. “Calm down Fen this will make them not sense the pain as much.” He shrugs and pours a small amount into the glass. “Garret their a child.” He turns around “Their 17 and they've had it before. We don't have many other options Fenris, it's fine.” I sigh and let him go. “Fine.” He goes back into the hall and leans down “can you drink this for me Alarian? It will help the pain go away.” They take the glass with a shaky hand and attempt to drink it, it fails because they cough and sputter. I glare at hawke and mouth “told you so.” He rolls his eyes. Bethany takes their hand away from their side that they were clutching and picks up Ali’s shirt. Their entire lower left abdomen is bruised and bloodied, she looks at her brother and then stands up and drags Garret out of the room. I stay with Ali and Carver. Eventually the two come back and tell Carver and I that we’re to take Alarian to either Anders in his clinic or to the hospital and wait a few hours. We opt for Anders in his clinic. Hawke carries them down to him and the 5 of us go in, anders looks at us “what are you doing here?” He asks. Hawke points to the unconscious Alarian in his arms. Anders has him put them down on a bed and he starts a healing spell on the wound on their stomach. It seems to heal a bit, but not enough. He tries his best with different things and but in the end tells us to go to the emergency room, there's nothing he can do. And so off we go, it's night by now, around 9:00 or so when I last had checked. We leave Darktown, Carver notifies the Hospital of our coming, and we walk back through HighTown. We walk through the glass doors to the ER, and a nurse comes over with a stretcher, Hawke places them down and the nurse wheels them up to the pediatric floor, with us in tow. Now we wait. Garret writes to Leliana, who normally takes care of Alarian, but for the meantime is away in orlais. A doctor comes in with a grave face “They need surgery.” The doctor says, it seems that during the fight, Ali took a stab wound, and their appendices burst. It needs to be removed immediately. They take the bed down to the surgery floor and induct anesthetics, making them go slack and unconscious. A team of doctors and surgeons take when into an operating room, and a few hours later Ali’s back on the pediatric floor. I think back to a song in one of the animated shows that Ali was showing me the other day. “Your dreams are where your heart is, more fragile than life itself. Over and over you cast them aside, only to find more. Now rest in peace-” I look at them, their breath comes slowly, chest rising and falling evenly, no nightmares yet. “Pounding impulses defile the things we wish for.“  I look at Garret whose chatting with one of the night nurses. “The more we forget, the more we remember again.”  I think of myself, look at my arms, the ritual, my family, my home. “In this beautiful, cruel world.” Their breath quickens, they begin to thrash, so start the terrors. “All I can do is ask why we’re still alive, oh with our strength and our weakness-” How are we still alive? Ali with everything they've gone through, Anders blew up the chantry, Zevran taking down the crows, Krem and I running from the imperium. So strong, and yet...so weak. “What are we going to protect, if there's no sense to anything anymore?” What are we going to do, in a world filled with war, and terror...and Pain.

What are we going to do…?

Yes that song was the first closing theme from the anime Attack on Titan...it just got fit really well with the theme of the story. Don't judge me.

And per usual I'm still in FenHawke hell. It's such an awesome OTP though.

Do you have an answer to his question?

Until next time,
Max