Life currently...

What do you know I lucked out with a snow day and the actual energy to write. And due to the fact I haven't written anything on here in a couple of weeks here's a summery of what's been going on.

School:
Overall my freshman year has been going rather well, I like most of my teachers and the content that is being taught. But my grades haven't been very good, namely geometry and physics, the reasoning: Dyscalculia and the affects of my ID. While yes I do have an aide in my classes I'm still failing math and have a C in physics, but Second Semester only just started and well I'll see if I can improve at all, as for next year I'm moving down a level on mathamatics, Algebra isn't my strong suit. Aside from grades I've made some friends, found a little niche group of people, and had a much stronger support system than in middle school.

Medical:
Slowly we are figuring out the complex, incomplete puzzle that is my medical status. In the past few months there has been a lot uncovered. Five new diagnosis's are in place.

VPI- A disorder that causes air to escape the nose due to a malfunctioning palette

Cleft palette- There is a gap or hole between my pallete and the back of my throat

Adjustment disorder- Anxiety and Depression caused by external factors

Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD)- Chronic anxiety about multiple, unrelated things.

Chronic Depression- A disorder that causes long lasting, generally milder depression. Has different affects than Major Depression. 

Now the question is What do we do about all of this? Well there is some options, at least for a few of these. For the VPI we have a three step plan, Speech and C-PAP therepy with the director of the Mass General Hospital speech and language, cleft lip and palette, and learning disabilities centre. That would also be done in part with Doctor Kinain, my pulmanologist and he wants to keep tabs on my sleep apnea and narcolepsy (both are mild, don't worry). Step two is Doctor Hartnick would knock me out and inject a kind of filler fluid into the back of my throat to try and increase the amount of mass and area it takes up so my palette will close fully. And finally step three, Muscle reconstruction can be done to build up the back of my throat and fix the cleft. As for the Anxiety, Adjustment Disorder and possibly the Depression Doctor Shea, my psychologist and I have been talking about possible anti-anxiety medication and/or anti-depressants. The only thing she brought up was that sometimes Chronic Depression doesn't always respond to anti-depressants, and she would like to try Cognitive behavioral therepy and play therepy (Yes I know that's for smaller children she just wants me to have a positive coping and outlet to talk in an less structured environment) first before we try any medication.

And what caused the Adjustment Disorder you ask? What are those external factors?

Keep reading to find out. Here's why,

Home: My support system in the past year or so has gone from full support to just my brother, and now he no longer is a supporter of me either.

Yes you read that correctly, I have no home support system. I am alone. 

But I thought your brother accepted you for who you are Max? Yeah I thought that too, turns out I was wrong, he's like a younger version of my dad. And how'd you find that out? The other day (Monday to be exact) I had gone to GLoW (Our schools GSTA...Gay club) and afterwards we were hanging out in the cafeteria, so comes along my brother and says it's time to go. I say goodbye to my friends and then outside we go. As we are walking a window rolls down and another member of GLoW, Matilda to be exact, yells out the window "Hi Max!!!" I smile and then walk past. Right after that Winston says, and I quote, "Who the Hell is Max?!" I had already come out to him and he knows that I go by Max at school, or in the eyes of my parents I used to go by Max (They don't approve of me being myself and dead name (use of birth name purposely) me constantly, so does Winston) and then he threatened to tell my dad. My own brother is trying to blackmail me damn it!

Luckily I have my friends and Sarah as safe havens, one time during January my dad kicked me out of the house for the weekend...that sucked.

Current status: Depressed, Anxious, a bit of a sleep deprived mess. But I'm always a sleep deprived mess. At least I have characters to write and draw as a coping mechanism to distract myself.

Help me please.

Live to see another day,
Max