A Matter Of Experience (Anna)

 Setting: Markarth, Skyrim

Ah Markarth, a city that could really be quite a site if only the tiniest bit of effort was put in to change its rather lawless ways, I think to myself gazing out the window from the second floor of the house. The dwarven architecture is astonishing, though I feel bad for the poor guards who have to sleep on stone beds without even a blanket for comfort...very glad ours is of the soft and comfortable to sleep in variety. At the thought of sleep almost instinctively my eyes begin to droop and a sense of sleepiness takes me, it is getting late after all, the sun set hours ago. Perhaps, yes, it is time for bed. Getting up from my spot by the window I wash and get changed, wish Farkas and Argis, the housecarl, goodnight, and crawl into bed- falling asleep in no time at all, being in Markarth can be an exhausting, if interesting, adventure.

Sometimes I have rather odd dreams, they are good dreams, but they can be odd...unusual. Oftentimes they occur with a rather sharp spike in abdominal and pelvic pain, and so I chalk them up to hormonal fluctuations, ovulation, or perhaps the work of Sanguine- daedric prince of debauchery. I float in and out of one of those dreams that night, stirring every now and then as a jolt of sharp pain draws me not quite out of sleep entirely, but enough to take me from the peaceful slumber of deep sleep to a more half sleep state before it subsides and I return to my dream. Ah, such is the case with things such as pcos, a real nusience for someone with no interest in biological children and who happens to be a sex repulsed asexual, however, the lack of cycled periods as a teenager was a plus before discovering an ideal medication. Rolling over on to my stomach to provide some pressure to the affected intermittently painful area I go back to my state of dreaming.

My really rather odd dream is intertwined with memories, mostly of past relationships, and one thing remains common throughout- the sense of touch. Previously, sure, I had dated a few guys here and there, but given I have a preference for women, my relationships and many if not all more serious relationships were with mainly women. Floating through my dream subconsciously I think, while Farkas and I certainly have cuddled, and kissed, and perhaps another thing or two here and there, that has been mostly it. Memories drift by and I recall most likely why I have this thought at all, as while sex of any sort is entirely out of the question, there is one small part of the pelvic region that can be stimulated without the need for sex, and if stimulated to the point of climax causes the release of hormones responsible both for sleep as well as pain relief, the thought dawns on me as I remember the memory of a parter, also asexual- similar to my current relationship, if less serious, from my time in university, as she was the first to introduce me to the concept, and it was proven to be a very useful concept for occasional pain management. Hmmm...perhaps that is worth a try. I make a mental note of the idea to bring up to Farkas before the thought leaves me.

I wake up the next morning to the warmth of another human body next to me, or more accurately- half next to me, and half underneath me. When Farkas went to bed, I don’t know, it is hard to predict the sleep cycle of somebody who doesn’t physically need sleep. Trying my best not to wake him I shift, moving up and sliding my right leg until it lands in the place between his sprawled out legs, the left remains more or less where it was, and carefully lie back down, but not before moving a bit of hair that had fallen out of his eyes and kissing his cheek softly. He is rather adorable when he sleeps, when you can get him to sleep, that is. It is still quite early in the morning, time to go back to bed.

Later, I’m awoken by the sensation of being moved, and open my eyes “hmm?” I look up, rubbing my eyes, I must have accidentally startled Farkas, who seems to be trying to think of something to say. I look at him with a small grin “Oh don’t worry, you didn’t wake me up. I’ve-“ I yawn “been up for hours.” Pushing myself up I sit up and lean back on my knees as Farkas also sits up, the blanket pooling around us. “Given how sleepy you look I highly doubt that ‘you’ve been up for hours’ even if you say so.” I shake my head in the attempt to get rid of any remaining sleep, and I’m interrupted again by that annoying stabbing pain, which reminds me of the mental note I’d stored. “Got something to ask you.” I say gently pushing on one side in an attempt to minimize the pain. “Kinda an awkward question, but thought I’d ask it anyway.” Farkas looks at me, seemingly curious, and looking down at how I’m pressing on my side, slightly concerned. “So, we both know sex is a big no no and all that but...there is something else that we could possibly do? You wouldn’t get anything out of it except you get to wind me up until I break but it is 1. Really more of what sexual people would consider foreplay and 2. Excellent pain relief. I would guess you have noticed how I am pressing on the area where my ovary should be in an attempt to control the pain from my oh so aggravating and broken reproductive endocrine system.” Farkas looks at me up and down, then shrugs “What is it exactly? I mean from the explanation I don’t see why not? Pain relief is good, after all.” So far, success, better than I was expecting to be honest. “Well, first, question- do you know what a clitoris looks like?” Farkas looks at me with a look that says I have a preference for guys and you are only the first or second girl I’ve ever been in a relationship with and I’m asexual do you think I know what a clitoris looks like? “Right...I’ll take that as a no...okay then, and since I know while you had ‘the talk’ and everything at some point, you missed out on the oh so traumatizing experience of public school sex and reproductive education. Welcome to anatomy 101 with Anna.” Clapping my hands together I grab a piece of paper and something to draw with from the side table and make a small diagram.

“This, here, is a shitty diagram of what the external genitalia of a person with a vagina should look like. You’ve got, well, the vulva obviously, then these two things here, and here, the labia majora and minora, the urethra, the actual vaginal opening, and the part that’s the only one you really need to actually pay attention to- the clitoris, a roughly pea sized bit of skin and tissue with a fuck ton of nerve endings. Most people can’t actually climax just from penetration alone because the actual genitalia have a lack of nerve endings. Why? Because you gotta push a whole ass baby out of there and those things can weigh like 10 pounds there’s a reason people bleed and scream so much when they give birth. It’s traumatizing, I know, never understood why people want babies. Anyways...This little thing has roughly 4 inches of nerves that go down and in all around here and when you climax they release a lovely little rush of hormones and endorphins and if you’re like me and overproduce certain hormones you will pass the fuck out most likely after.” I circle the area for added effect. “Traumatized yet?” I ask and get a tiny nod in return “Just a little. Not so bad.” I put my arms down by my sides and frown defeatedly. “Damn it I was hoping I’d scar you for life more, but then again you are not 12 and sitting in a classroom so there’s not quite the same effect.” I put the paper and pen aside “Anyhow, what do you say? And you can say no if you aren’t up for it, I can always do it myself, but, it is more fun when you get to kiss and cuddle somebody else…” Farkas looks at me, looks down, looks up again “I will almost definitely need some help but even if I don’t get anything out of it in the typical sense I do get the cuddle you…” he pauses “and play with you until you break” he adds softly, almost to himself, with a barely hidden grin “and that’s more than enough for me. As I have said before, preference for men, no idea what to do with...that.” He gestures to me briefly which makes me laugh “You are either very intuitive or a quick learner then.” I reply and lean in to kiss him, which he responds to by pulling me closer. “Alright, one more question- you’ve seen me without clothes on enough times from having to help me in and out of baths and tending wounds and whatnot you know there’s not much to look at, but, I’ll ask regardless- I can keep my underwear on if that’s what you’d be more comfortable with and just show you more of less where to touch.” Farkas shakes his head “Why are you asking me that question when it’s your body? Do what you want.” Add this to the reasons why I love him so dearly. I climb off the bed and double check the door is locked before turning around. “I guess if you’re going to learn correctly about the anatomy you might as well have a visual, if a slightly unusual visual but we’ll get there when we get there. Let’s just say that it’ll make things a tad bit easier.”

Having stripped off my clothes I climb back on the bed and sit at the end of it. “So, what I was mentioning that would make things a little easier. Remember how I mentioned the clitoris is about the size of a pea?” A nod in return “Well that’s usually the size of it. However, in people with certain conditions, including two of which I have, and people born early, it can be usually large. A high amount of certain hormones and all that.” I point to an area that, while not incredibly pronounced, is a bit more noticeable than it would usually be. “That right there, is it.” Farkas makes a curious hum and leans over to ever so lightly push on it, causing me to involuntarily startle and almost scared he pulls back immediately and looks at me. I take a breath and laugh slightly “Don’t worry, I don’t break that easily, that’s just what happens sometimes when there’s stimulation. The muscles contract automatically as if to say ‘we want more!!’ I’ll tell you if I ever need you to stop. How about, I show you a bit first, then I’ll help you, and then you try. Sound like a good plan?” A slightly more hesitant, but more reassured than a few minutes ago, nod at the plan, good.

Taking a breath and closing my eyes I slowly circle the bundle of nerves, every now and then biting my lip to keep a sound from escaping, and every so often opening my eyes, just a little, to find Farkas watching, seemingly curious as to how this all works. How could a tiny little bit of tissue be responsible for so much pleasure? After a bit of time, I open my eyes more fully and sit back, stopping. “You want to try now? I’ll help you, it’s okay.” Farkas agrees and I crawl toward him, settling myself in his lap until the two of us find a comfortable position “Give me your hand. Not that one, the other one. Good, now- feel that bit of tissue there? That is where you’ll mainly want to focus, you can go out around here and this general area, but where things are most concentrated is here.” Farkas looks at where I hold his hand steady and then looks up at me “So you said touch it but...how?” I move his hand around. “Mainly there’s two or three things you can do, push on it every now and then but that won’t do too much, gentle back and forth and listen to me when I say gentle, I mean it, and little circles are good too, like I was doing earlier.” Demonstrating each variation in time, guiding where to go, how fast or slow, and what to do.

Over time gradually things become less of me controlling and more independent until I have both of my hands free. At that point I wrap my arms around him and bury my face against him, kissing along his neck and shoulder lightly, little gasps and noises escaping now every so often. Things like this may be a matter of experience, but no matter what he says, he is good at this, it seems that we have found another little activity to add to what I assume would be the equivalent of foreplay, but, in our little intimate but sexless relationship, it is just simply what we do. Cuddles and then a little more, I guess?

After quite some time the sensation overtakes me and my body let’s go, the rush of endorphins soaring through me. This really is excellent pain relief, I feel better already between the comfort of being held and gently kissed and the hormonal stabilization thanks to the climax. Now rather exhausted I slump against him panting slightly “You...are very...good at this.” I note lightly patting him on the arm “very good...very, very good.” Farkas simply smiles, seemingly satisfied with himself at the compliment, I guess he’s right- he might not get a reward in the typical sense but he does get the satisfaction of being the one to make me break. “It seems we have something else to add to our little arsenal of things to do?” I nod “I was just thinking that.” I shift slightly “I’m now tired but not enough to sleep, hyperandrogenism coming back to bite me.” I remark and Farkas wraps me in a blanket as my clothes are currently across the room and just sits there holding me letting me catch my breath.

Having regained most of my composure I get up and go take a shower before getting dressed, by the time I’m finished I find Farkas already dressed- probably did so while I was in the shower, and waiting for me. “I have one more question for you.” He says looking around awkwardly anywhere except for me. “Ask away.” He hesitates, lifting a finger, putting it down, before finally lifting it again and pointing it at my chest “What exactly is with the discoloration of your right breast? I never noticed it before. Is that new?” He asks awkwardly and seemingly a bit concerned. I grin and laugh slightly “I can assure you it is definitely not new. No, just a bit of indented or loose tissue from when I was a baby. If you want the science name, anetoderma of prematurity, if you want to know what it is actually- indents and/or discoloring of the skin due to pressure or loss of elastic in the skin. Not harmful. I also have it here, here and here.” I explain lifting up my shirt and pointing to the various little indents along my chest and stomach. “As a kid we would call them my badges of honor, since they kind of look like scar tissue a little bit.” I explain putting my shirt down. Satisfied with the explanation, the topic is dropped, and unlocking the door we quietly go downstairs for breakfast. I am rather hungry now, and very glad my rather annoying pelvic pain has gone away for the time being. An all around pleasant and educational morning indeed.