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Saturday, September 11, 2021

Respectful (Anna)

 I’ve been meaning to finish this for months and couldn’t decide on an ending but roughly 3700 words later it seems to be as finished as it can be. TW for sexism/misogyny and mild world specific racism/ableism, because this wouldn’t be a disability blog without some incorporation. Enjoy!

“I can understand why Teldryn doesn’t like this city. It’s cold, it’s nearly always snowing, and the people are jerks.” I mutter as we walk through the gates of Windhelm having been held up by the guards as we approached the entrance, simply because I’m a foreigner...I can only imagine what it’s like for Teldryn and the other dunmer, and while it’s bad for them it’s worse for the Argonians and Khajiit, they cant even come into the city. “Do you want to go right to the house or do you want dinner first?” Farkas asks as we come fully into the city and the gates close behind us, the inn straight ahead. “Oi, you!” A voice calls and I look around to see who it is “Breton! Over here.” I look over near the braiser that’s by the inn, a trio of men stand around it “Well well well, haven’t seen you in awhile. Got anything for me girl?” The obviously at least somewhat drunk man asks. I remember him, Rolf stone-fist, brother of Ulfric’s right hand. I make a face and he frowns “What? No kiss for your old friend Rolf?” He puts on a fake sad face. I make a noise of disgust and start to walk the other way “Fine, then suit yourself...slut!” He yells after me and before Farkas can stop me I turn back around and begin to walk toward him, fuming silently “What was that?” I ask with a cold edge in my voice. “You’re just some pretty blonde, everyone only likes you because of your tits, now run off and pretend to kill some dragons you Breton slut, wonder why we even let half breeds like you in this city.” Rolf says and I can smell the stench of alcohol on his breath. I pause a moment-

-then slap him.

The impact sends him tumbling to the ground, falling hard against the cold stone. The two other men standing around the braziers look at me and I make a quick movement toward them, scaring them. They run off. I lean down to Rolf who’s cowering now “If you ever say something like that to me again I’ll do a whole lot more than slap you. Got it?” Terrified, he nods and quickly scrambles to his feet, running off. Standing back up I turn to Farkas, who seems a tad impressed. “I hate this fucking city.” I remark wiping my hands on my dress and letting my shoulders relax “Let’s go eat.” He makes a hum in agreement and follows me into the Inn. 

We find a comfortable spot upstairs by the fire, it’s a bit of an odd layout for an inn, common room upstairs and the rooms downstairs. This is Windhelm though, everything’s a bit backwards. “I’m sorry for what happened back there, Len.” Farkas tells me as we wait for our meals, I shrug “No need to apologize, Rolf’s an asshole, you just need to slap some sense into them and they’ll run off, always do.” I explain “Still shouldn’t happen in the first place. The whole part about the dragons was completely out of place, too.” I look down at myself and chuckle slightly “And the part about my tits too, what’s there to like if there’s barely anything there? And next time a dragon attacks Windhelm they can just deal with it themselves if you so very much want to insist it’s all pretend” We continue picking out the various wrong points in the comments until our food comes, eat fairly quickly as the inn is starting to fill up, and head for home. 

“I’ve always found this street, and this city, a bit creepy at night.” I murmur as we walk home “Why? Because it’s cold and dark or because there was a rampant murderer killing young women around last time we were here?” I think for a moment “Both I guess.” We get home not long after, thankfully the housecarl had already lit the fire, in both the downstairs common room and our room upstairs. I hang my coat up and stretch with a yawn, it’s begun to get late. “I’ll be upstairs if you need me.” Might as well shower and get cleaned up, it was a bit of a long trip anyways. 

Farkas walks into the room just as I’d finished getting changed into my night clothes and drying my hair, he must have gotten himself cleaned up using the shower in the guest room. I walk over to him and put my arms around his neck “Hello.” I say with a smile, which he returns and hooks a hand under my leg, picking me up and setting me on the table by the window. I look out at the snow falling outside, the storms starting to pick up “It’s good we came home when we did.” I say, one arm still around him and the other resting on the window. “It might be cold out there...but between you and the fire it’s plenty warm in here.” I smirk and kiss him before pulling back “Though I think the bed might be a bit more comfortable than this.” I joke and on that note he picks me up again, practically tossing me on to the bed. I prop myself up on my arms “Well that was certainly unceremonious.” I exclaim and he sits down next to me. “Why are people like Rolf?” I ask and he shrugs “Who knows, people grow up to be terrible people for a lot of reasons. There’s really no reason for people to be misogynistic, would you say it to you mother? No? Then don’t say it to anyone else, it's as simple as that.” I smile. He looks down at me “What? Why are you smiling?” I shrug “I’m just happy.” He leans over and moves a stray lock of hair away from my face, tucking it behind one ear, I lean up and kiss him, and again, he shifts and rolls over until I’m underneath him and I make a small noise as we come up for air “Well, I like when you’re happy then.” He murmurs softly before kissing me again and moving slightly to kiss along my neck. I smile and giggle slightly “You know, out of all the men I’ve met, especially the Nords, I think that you are one of, if not the most respectful.” I explain, and make a small gasp as there’s a small nip against my neck, I look over and gently tug on his hair “Are you listening to me?” He stops and looks at me “...Possibly.” He swallows and the look on his face suggests no “I’m not the best at multitasking.” I give him a look “I’m not so sure about that, I think you just like to listen to certain things. Selective hearing loss perhaps?” I reply. He places a kiss on my forehead “One-“ Another on my cheek “Thing-“ And finally a third kiss on the lips “At a time.” I sigh “Well, now that I have your attention; what I was saying is out of all the people, in particular Nords and especially Nord men you happen to be one of If not the most respectful, and I appreciate it.” He looks down at me with a small smile “I try.” He says softly, I’m not sure if it’s directed at me or to himself. 

We sit there for a while, or sit and lay down to be exact. He runs a hand along the length of my side “The comment about your chest really was completely unrealistic. I never noticed but when you lie back they practically disappear!” He pokes one breast gently, almost as if he’s slightly curious “It’s really like there’s nothing there.” He jokes which draws a slight laugh out of me “What’s everybody doing commenting about them anyways…” I point to my face “My eyes are up here.” I move his face up “That includes you.” He blushes slightly and shrugs before rolling over again. “So...back to what I was doing...if that’s ok with you?” He aks toying with one of the buttons on my nightgown. I think it over for a second, most to assess if I’ll still be warm enough between the blankets and the fire, and come to the conclusion that I most likely will be. “I guess so, why not. We’ve got a lot of time before morning comes.”

 I slip off my nightgown, adjusting the camisole that covers me quickly, and throw the nightgown in the corner before being pinned down again…”One more thing-“ I whisper softly “I better be able to walk tomorrow, or you’ll be the one getting slapped.” I warn. Farkas gives me a look that says “Really?” but my point has been noted. Another perk of being in an asexual relationship I guess, while I still might end up sore and bruised from my legs being squeezed, it’s not quite the same level of...impact. My neck on the other hand, however respectful, and always asking if somethings ok first, there will be some things that no matter how gentle you are...they’ll bruise. I think back to the comments made earlier and almost in a way disassociate for a moment. A light squeeze around my waist draws me back to the moment “You ok?” I nod and blink a few times, getting the situation out of my head. I run a hand against my neck for a moment, that’s definitely going to be a bruise in the morning. “Ow…” I mutter softly sitting up. Farkas holds me against him, noting the tension in my shoulders “Relax, Len.” He slips a hand under my shirt and runs it along my back “I’ll be gentle, I promise.” There’s something about that simple sentence that makes me melt every time. Perhaps because most afflicted with lycanthropy are not at all gentle? Or it’s an uncommon trait in such a hard land? Nonetheless I melt into the touches and the gentle kisses along my body, paying extra attention to faded scars and fresh cuts from the journey here, mewling softly now and then as something hits a particular spot. 

Becoming finally exhausted, for a variety of reasons, I curl up next to him...or more precisely, half on top of him and half next to him. “Can you tell me a story?” I ask softly, laying my head against his chest and watching the snow fall outside the window. Farkas sighs and toys with a loose strand of hair “Once upon a time; there was a beautiful sorceress named Anna, and Anna traveled all over the country fighting dragons and other foes alike. At one point, she slapped some misogynistic pig named Rolf, who really needed to go home and rethink his life. After promptly dealing with that, Anna and her handsome traveling companion ate dinner, went home, had a delightful time, and went to bed. The end.” He looks at me. “That wasn’t a real story!” I protest “What do you mean it’s not real? It’s autobiographical!” He retorts with a smirk and I give him a look with pleading eyes and with a sigh he sits up and gets the book of short stories from the side table “One, then you go to bed. Do we have a deal?” He questions flipping to the page we’d left off on. I nod in understanding and he begins to read.

...I never hear the ending as I fall asleep before that, and wake up to the sound of birds chirping outside and sunlight streaming through the window. Farkas sleeps peacefully, Undisturbed by the light or the sounds from outside, black hair a sharp contrast against the pillow. Careful not to wake him I sit up and roll over until I’m once more sitting in his lap. I wait there a few minutes, silent and trying my best to remain still, instead looking around the room. It looks quite different with sunlight, Windhelm is usually such a gloomy city, it’s a bit odd. Slowly I shift slightly changing the bearing of weight, and the difference is just enough to make his eyes flutter open for a moment. I lean down and kiss his cheek “Good morning.” I say lightly before sitting back up. He rubs his eyes and blinks “Hi.” He replies, still chasing away the remainder of sleep, then looks up at me, pausing for a moment “What are you doing up there?” He asks and I shrug “Trying to wake you up...And I succeeded.” I climb off of him and plop down sitting next to him. “What do you want to do for breakfast?” I think about it for a moment. “Hmm, there is that nice place in the market that has good breakfast…” he noted before I can think of any options. “They have pancakes” he adds in a slight singsong voice “Or...whatever you call them in HighRock.” I pause thinking; Out of all the places in Windhelm, the market a short distance from the house is perhaps the most civilized. It’s not large, but there’s enough to entertain oneself, even for a little while. “Sounds like a good enough idea.” I laugh slightly to myself “And now you made me want pancakes.” Farkas grins “the power of suggestion is a very useful tool.” He pushes a stray lock of hair out of the way and tilts my head back examining my neck “Got any dresses with a high collar?” He asks and I bring a hand up to my neck, definitely bruised. “Fuck you.” Farkas just laughs “What can I say? You asked for it.” He remarks with a mischievous look in his eyes. I grab a pillow and whack him with it “Not funny!” I whine. Moving the pillow out of the way he grabs me and pulls me closer “Yes it is, quite funny actually.” He remarks giving me a slight squeeze as my arms are held immobile “Can’t you just do a healing spell or something?” He asks “Possibly, it might make them fade a little bit healing spells are more for open wounds...bite marks don’t count, not a deep enough cut.” I squirm trying to get away until I’m eventually released “ mentioned pancakes earlier. Can we go get some now before it’s lunch?” 

You can smell them before even turning the corner and practically giddy I quickly hurry inside finding a nice place to sit. Thankfully it’s not too crowded and the food comes quickly. “You look like you’re about to explode from excitement, it’s just pancakes.” I shrug “I can’t remember the last time I had them.” As expected, they’re delicious, and surprisingly inexpensive. “ what? Go give Ulfric and Galmar a piece of your mind? They deserve it after all, with what happened last time we were here.” I think about it for a moment “Yep.” I reply simply and start walking off toward the palace of the kings. 

This, is when magic comes in handy...large and otherwise very heavy doors. The guards seem surprisingly unphased as I conjure up a spell outside the entrance and send it flying toward the door, effectively slamming it open, and walk inside. Ulfric Stormcloak, the Jarl of Windhelm and pompous leader of the rebellion sits at the end of the room, disturbed by the loud clatter of the doors being thrown open. Good, I have his attention. Galmar Stonefist, the brother of a certain ingrate who I happened to slap yesterday, and Ulfric’s chief general and right hand man, stands next to the throne. The only other inhabitants of the large room are about six guards who stand by entrances to various other sections of the castle and the main entryway, and the steward who sits at one of the long tables doing paperwork. “And to what do I owe the pleasure of you throwing open my doors and marching in here, miss Lennox?” Ulfric asks with a note of sarcasm evident in his voice. “Oh nothing, I just felt like it.” I reply sarcastically, stopping about ten feet away from where he sits in the throne. Looking at Galmar I pause for a moment “Your brother sends his regards. And please for the love of talos teach him some manners why don’t you.” Ulfric makes a noise and rolls his eyes “So you got offended, is that what this is about?” I glare daggers into him “Partly, perhaps, but not entirely. What this is about, is how poorly you run this city, and that people such as Rolf Stonefist use that incompetency to their advantage by being racist, sexist and misogynistic, and generally...complete assholes.” At my explanation Ulfric goes into a fit of rage, and attempts to shout at me, luckily I dodge the attempted attack, and he looks at me and then at Galmar. “We wouldn’t be in this mess if my father hadn’t let those damn elven refugees into the city in the first place. Oh they had nowhere to go? Too bad, there’s a reason the Snow quarter is now the Grey quarter, damn elves ruined everything the place is a slum.” Ulfric remarks bitterly. “That neighborhood is now a slum because of inadequate resources, and its home to nords as well. The Dunmer living in that area have gone to great lengths to clean up the quarter and preserve their culture- you should be angry at yourself, not them.” Ulfric scoffs at the word culture and makes an offhand remark to my disgust. “If you have problems with how I run things then I suggest you leave. We don’t want the likes of you in Windhelm anyways. Go back to Daggerfall with your damn magic.” As if that wasn’t entirely obvious from the moment we crossed the bridge. Ulfric pauses and makes a disgusted face “I should have let you burn in Helgan.” he remarks and I laugh slightly “Ah well, if that happened you’d be stuck with dragons for probably all eternity and would most likely already be dead. Then unfortunately you’d miss your chance to be high king as you so so obviously want to...sorry.” I remark with a sarcastic grin, sending the oh so temperamental Jarl back into a fit of rage “Be gone you little vixen, be gone already!” He yells, can add that to the list of names I’ve been called on this trip. “Fine, but not without a parting gift.” Using telekinesis, a very useful spell I grip him by the throat and lift him into the air, before slamming into a nearby wall and dropping him. Galmar goes for his axe but I ready another telekinesis spell in one hand and a lightning bolt in the other “I would suggest you don’t do that.” In terror, Galmar takes his hand off the grip and back to his side. The steward doesn’t look up from his paperwork, but I can tell he is hiding a grin at Ulfric being put in his place. Turning on a heel I walk out of the palace, magically closing the doors behind me with a slam. “Well...that went well I think.” I remark to myself. 

Farkas, who had been waiting outside the palace gives me a curious look and walks over to me from where he’d been waiting, leaning against a wall “Feel better?” I nod with a devilish grin “Much better.” The two of us begin to walk, or more accurate...I begin to walk and it takes Farkas a moment to process before running to catch up. “What did you do?” He asks back by my side as we pass the temple “Oh nothing…” I attempt to avoid eye contact “Len…” I pause and lean in “I’ll tell you once we get out of the city, the guards in the room didn’t mind but I’m not sure it’s good to say with people around.” I add with a whisper and get a sigh in reply. This is precisely why you shouldn’t leave me alone...I tend to get into trouble. 

Having crossed the bridge and officially left the city and being out of earshot from any nosy citizens or guards we stop “So you want to know what I did, yes? All in all, not much. No severe injuries, not really very much of a threat, tense conversation really. Then I stormed out.” Farkas gives me an unconvinced look “What was the bang I could hear from outside then?” Oh boy I didn’t think Ulfric made that loud of a noise when he hit the wall but then again Windhelm does tend to have a very high rate of echo or vibration...oops. “I- I uh...might have telekinetically picked up Ulfric and slammed him into a wall after he threatened me…” I say putting a hand behind my head and trailing off more with each word looking at the ground. I glance up prepared for the worst to find Farkas looking at me blankly before a small grin appears. Surprised, I ask “You’re not mad?” He sighs and rolls his eyes “Now why would I be mad? Sure I don’t hate Windhelm as much as you but I don’t like it by any means. A certain murderous Jarl included.” Fair enough, we don’t enjoy murderous Jarls, lords, councilors, etc they really do make things rather gruesome and annoying. After a bit of deliberating, we remember part of why we came here, it’s the only dock that has passage to Raven Rock from Skyrim. 

“I get why you hate Windhelm now.” I remark sitting down in the common room of the inn. Teldryn Sero removes his scarf having recently come in from the ash “Yes, the lack of respectful people certainly makes it less than pleasant.” He pauses and looks at us before taking a sip of his drink with a barely noticeable grin “But I’m sure you’re handled it alright. After all, you’re respectful to those deserving of it…” he must have spent an awful lot of time wandering Skyrim as a mercenary, and while I can sympathize due to myself being a stranger in the cold hard land, I cannot imagine the disrespect he must have faced from the locals. I guess there are upsides of being formerly employed by the Morag tong, and they of all people demand their clients and foes alike be respectful, no dishonor or disrespect allowed...

Friday, July 30, 2021

You look sick: Adventures in Summer Camp

 If you don’t follow me on Instagram you are most likely unaware that this summer I resumed my scheduled job from last year, that I was hired for about a month or two before COVID took over our lives. What is that job, or more accurately, what was that job? That job, my dear readers, was a camp counselor at my local JCC for their arts and sciences camp. I lasted approximately five weeks working forty hours a week, which is more than half way through, but not the full eight weeks that camp runs. “Now why is that Max?” You might find yourself asking while reading this post. Ah well, despite the pandemic making me have a lack of colds and infections this past year, the struggle bus of chronic illness continues to move ever along its way. Since May in particular I have developed a plethora of new and exciting symptoms, though all rather vague. Bruises, nosebleeds, unnatural fatigue (we’ll talk about this more later) no matter how much sleep I get, night sweats, bone pain, lack of appetite, the list goes on and on. Over the course of camp they have gotten worse, too. Slowly multiplying. In the beginning when I was still with my group of adorable seven year olds I could function enough that they didn’t particularly notice, but after my group almost doubled in size and my symptoms continued to progress, I found myself exhausted, an almost mirror scenario of when my first grade teacher (both rounds of first grade in fact) called home saying that while the other children were out running and playing and having fun on the playground as children do, she would find me instead huddled up, curled into a ball, napping inside the classroom while my peers played. The JCC has a behavior specialist, who even noticed that by the half way point of camp when I was with my group of rambunctious small children one counselor and the cit would be playing a game such as tag or the favorite fishy fishy cross my ocean, while I would be sitting with the children who did not want to play the game, and would be curled into a ball with my head against my knees, wrapped up in the sweater I always carry to try and stay warm in the air conditioned room we would be in on rainy days. By the end of the first session with weeks one through four a camper came up to me at swim, and even they had noticed I was not well, asking me one day at swim out of nowhere “Max, are you sick? You look sick. You are pale and have dark circles under your eyes. What are the red dots on your arms *pokes at arms* do they hurt? Do you have COVID? What’s wrong with you???” While I calmly replied oh no everything is alright and ushered them back into the water that series of questions haunted my sleep for a number of nights after, because truthfully, I do not know, and if I did, I have no clue how it would be easily explained to a seven year old. For this past week, I was with a much more my speed group, the older group of visual arts campers. They understood my pop culture references, flaunt their various flags proudly, and have excellent music taste. I could use my arts skills with them, and they were self sufficient enough to walk to the bathroom by themselves. However, by the end of this week, even the “indoor cats” group became too tiring. I would go home each day and simply collapse, taking naproxen in the morning to dull the pain enough to function through the day, possibly taking a break to cry from pain at some point, have a snack, and return to the group. Yesterday, during a long appointment with complex care, we seem to be heading in some form of direction for further evaluation. Bloodwork was drawn, and while mostly normal yesterday, the previous labs from only a week or two were not, and so they will be repeated in a week or so while complex care consults with hematology. An ultrasound of my liver, gallbladder, and pancreas is to be scheduled, as is an urgent appointment with rheumatology, and possibly hematology/oncology. I resigned from camp today, officially my last day is this coming Tuesday, and then it will be a month of as many appointments as possible before August 20th and the weekend I fly off to school…granted I am well enough to go. I very much enjoyed camp, and I am sad to have to leave, but it is for the best I think. One simply cannot function like this for three more weeks. There is always next year, hopefully by then I will be feeling better and that summers adventures in summer camp will be more enjoyable.  

Until next time, Max

Thursday, July 8, 2021

Warriors, Werewolves and a Wizard, Oh My! (Anna)

 A/N: Commission, what else would you expect? Roughly 5600 words of silliness, fluff, maybe a fight or two, discussion of consent and disability because you know me if I gotta write fluff its gonna be educational, and overall chaos. Enjoy :)

It’s a beautiful day out as I sit outside in the courtyard behind Jorrvaskr, watching the various people go about their days. Aela works on target practice with Ria, pointing out flaws in her form and aim, and helping to fix them as Nadja makes snarky comments while watching and critiquing. On the other side of the courtyard, toward the path leading to the main square of the city, Athis can be seen painfully obviously trying to get away from Tovar. Poor Athis, seems to have gotten stuck with Tovar, a wanna be warrior who seems to be more interested in drink than honor. Though Tovar seems a bit tipsy and doesn’t seem to register that Athis really does not want to be around him.

 Eorland Greymane, the blacksmith can be seen up at the skyforge doing his usual work, and seems to be talking with Skjor about something. Kodlak is probably busy downstairs in his study as usual. Where Eorland's brother, Vignar and his steward of sorts Brill are I have no clue. Perhaps Vignar is busy visiting his niece and nephews across the street with his sister in law at the Greymane manor. The Greymane family after all is one of the oldest families in the city, aside from the Battle-Borns. The twins spar in the center of the courtyard which probably happens to be the most intriguing thing going on in the area. And by probably the most intriguing, I mean it’s warm enough that Farkas isn’t wearing a shirt and I am absolutely here for it. “It’s not polite to stare.” Tilma, the maid remarks sitting down next to me at one of the tables. I feel my face go red. Was I really staring? Oops. I shrug and look away, covering my face and trying not to giggle before regaining my composure. “I wasn’t staring. Simply...very intently watching, admiring if you will.” Tilma cocks her head and gives me a look “I’ve been here for as long as I can remember, since long before those two and Aela were ever born. I see everything, hear everything, and know everything. And you dear are so far gone.” I lean an arm on the table, mostly to cover my cheek that is now flushed bright red. Tilma leans in and whispers “And don’t worry, you’re not the only one.” I glance over at Farkas and back to her, she gives me a small grin and nods. “And word is he’ll be the one assigned to you for your trial.” I raise my eyebrows “What trial?” Tilma gives me a surprised look “Nobody told you about the trial?” I shake my head, she sighs “Well they should have. In summary, it’s a test of metal, both mental and physical. You have an assignment, usually to retrieve something, sometimes someone, it depends, and bring it/them back. A member of the circle accompanies you as a witness and makes sure you don’t get yourself into trouble.” That sounds simple enough. “Skjor usually gives out assignments.” Tilma adds. I sigh, that...complicates things. “Skjor isn’t exactly...fond of me.” I hesitantly divulge. Tilma scoffs “And the rest of the circle loves you, you’ll be fine. Sure, Vilkas didn’t exactly like you at first either but after you put him in his place, and his brother happens to fancy you, he might as well die protecting you.” Tilma pauses and laughs slightly “Did I tell you that Aela and Farkas had to play Rock Paper Scissors over who got to peruse you?” That makes me laugh “How did you find out about that?!” I question still trying to stop laughing “Like I said, I see everything, hear everything, and know everything.” As Tilma finishes her sentence Skjor calls to me from the top of the Skyforge. Tilma pats me on the hand encouragingly “You’ll be fine.” She reassures me. “Lenox! Get up here!!” Skjor calls again before I run up to him. “You called?” Skjor sighs “It’s time for your trial.” He turns to Eorland “You May or May not know this but Wuulthrad, the legendary weapon that’s usually kept here had a piece stolen.” The blacksmith explains “Your trial is to go to Dustman's Cairn, outside whiterun and get the missing piece.” Oh joy this’ll be bloody lovely a scary dark crypt, sounds like great fun. “When do I start?” I ask trying to curb any fear in my voice “Tomorrow morning, I need to brief Farkas. You need your armor repaired by tomorrow.” I nod and run to go get it after Skjor dismisses me. Eorland takes a look at the steel armor and fixes up a few dents in it “Don’t mind him, he’s just a grumpy old man who’s not too fond of newcomers. You’ll be fine, Anna.” Eorland says while fixing the dents. That’s reassuring, especially coming from a blacksmith. 

I don’t sleep much that night, too many thoughts running through my head, but surprisingly I awaken feeling rather well rested, in the scheme of things.  In the morning I wander upstairs and eat breakfast while Aela and the others recount to me the stories of their trials, some are rather amusing, and most happened not that long ago. The twins and Aela did have a bit of a head start as they grew up here, but still they’re pretty recent. I wonder how they got to the circle so connection perhaps? 

“Ready to go?” Farkas asks me after breakfast is finished and both of us have changed into the necessary gear. “Yep. Do you have any idea where we’re going because I don’t.” Farkas pulls out a map and marks the location “It’s pretty easy to find, just follow the main road until you get to a smaller road, follow that and there it is.” Sounds simple enough I guess. “Right then, off we go.” After a bit of walking we eventually get to where we need to be and look over the outside. A trio of Drauger rise from their crypts and attack us but are quickly dealt with. Before we go in, Farkas stops me and gives me a warning “Try not to get yourself hurt, I don’t want to have to carry you back to Whiterun on my back...not exactly the best look if it’s your trial.” Point noted. We go down into the entrance of the Cairn and push open the door as quietly as possible, who knows what lurks beyond those doors? We enter the main beginning room and find some remains and a picaxe or two “Someone must have been here who met an unsavory end” Farkas remarks looking over the bodies and the equipment. “Doesn’t look like Dragur though, best to keep an eye out.” We keep moving further in. 

After encountering a few more draugr we come to a large circular room, the entrance to further on is barred. I find a lever in a small alcove and pull it. It works, the gate goes up, but another comes crashing down before I can get out of the alcove, trapping me inside it. I nervously laugh “We have a bit of a problem over here!” Farkas wanders over to me “See aren’t you glad someone has to come with you on this sort of thing? I’ll see if I can find the other lever.” He pauses for a minute then gives me a sly smile “Sit tight. Don’t go anywhere.” He smirks and turns away. We hear the sound of running feet and before long the room is filled with people that look like bandits, but a bit more organized. I cling to the bars of the gate watching. This is certainly a predicament. And a bad one at that. Farkas stands in the middle surrounded. “Well well well, we knew you’d turn up eventually, just a matter of time.” The one who seems to be the leader remarks “Are you sure he’s one of them?” Another asks and the leader scoffs “Of course, he wears that armor” the leader pauses pointing out the wolf crest “he dies.” Another notes “This will make a great story.” Farkas looks at them coldly “It would, but none of you will be alive to tell the tale.” He remarks darkly before his body contorts and stretches, elongating and generally transforming, I can’t clearly make out what’s happening from my spot until it’s done. So that explains the wolf crest, and the meaning behind his name, he’s a werewolf. The only thing that comes to mind is a meme “Well...mark me down as scared and horny” I chuckle to myself while eagerly watching. The group of slightly more organized bandits unsheathe their weapons to attack, but are quickly and easily killed. Farkas then runs into the other hallway briefly and the lever that opens the gate holding me in is pulled, before walking back over to me having transformed back to normal. 

I stand there in the alcove, immobilized. Not out of fear, but in awe. I’d never seen anyone take down more than 10 people all fully armored in a matter of minutes...other than that dragon who attacked Helgan. “I hope I...didn’t scare you.” Farkas remarks sheepishly, his cheeks a tad bit red from embarrassment. “Scare me? Scare me?? Are you kidding me?!” Farkas gets a scared expression on his face “That was awesome!!” The scared expression quickly changed to one of relief “you were like ‘none of you will be alive to tell the tale’ aaaaaa pow pow pow you’re dead and you’re dead and you’re dead.” I mimic stepping out of the alcove. We search the bodies and Farkas picks up his sword, putting it back in its sheath. “So...are all the companions werewolves?” I ask curious to know more “No, just the circle. It’s a long story, Kodlak can explain it better than me. I’ll tell you more about it another time. If you have any other questions, might as well take a break for a few minutes and ask them.” He says pushing one of the bodies out of the way and sitting down. 

I sit across from him “Who were those people?” I ask pointing to the pile “A group of werewolf hunters called the Silver Hand. Think Bandits crossed with the Vigilants of Stendarr. They seem to think that silver is more deadly to werewolves but this isn’t the Witcher, silver works better on the undead and that’s about it, so Vampires, not werewolves.” The Silver Hand don’t seem very nice, especially if they’re essentially a combination of the two mentioned groups. “Do you only transform on a full moon or can you do it at will? Do you have control when you’re like that?” Farkas smirks “Somebody has been reading too many fantasy books. That’s a valid question though. Yes unlike regular werewolves we can transform at will and have control throughout. The only downside really is the first few days you can have a pretty bad reaction to it sometimes. I felt terrible for nearly a week until things settled.” That's an interesting bit of information. I’ll have to ask Kodlak how the companions strain of lycanthropy is different. “We should move on.” He remarks getting up “Skjor preferably wants us home by the end of the day.” With a sigh I get up and we continue. 

We go through some more Silver Hand though the bulk of them seem to have been dealt with earlier. In the end we get to a large room, coffins line each side on the upper and lower levels, with two in the middle. A wall written in the dragon language sits in the very back, with a glowing word. Aha, an untapped shout. I go over to the wall and absorb the knowledge of the word, and test out the new power. Fire We take the shard of the weapon Skjor wanted and suddenly the coffins begin to fall open, Skeletons and Dragur come out and attack. Using my new shout and the combined forces of the two of us, while it takes some effort the foes are eventually dealt with. “Now, to find the secret exit. They’re always around here somewhere.” Farkas and I poke around until I find the button behind an urn “Found it!” I yell and the secret door opens up, leading us back to the entrance. I toss the shard up and catch it, putting it in a small pouch “Time to go home.” By the time we get out of the Cairn the sun is starting to set and the two moons come out as we walk back to Whiterun. 

We open the doors and come in “See I told you they’d come back alive.” Aela remarks to Nadja who angrily puts a pouch of coin in her hand and walks off grumbling. “Well that was rude.” Aela laughs “I wasn’t, it was Nadja and Tovar. Everyone else thought you’d be fine.” I toss Skjor the shard and he grumbles a thank you. We sit with Aela and Vilkas and discuss the events of the day during dinner, Tilma really is an excellent cook. Having finished clearing my place and getting up “If you’ll excuse me, I'm going to go take a bath and get cleaned up.” The three bid me farewell and I head downstairs. Tilma is down sweeping the main hallway “Well, How’d it go?” She asks not looking up. I walk over to her “Well, I learned something new today for sure…about the circle.” Tilma grins “Did you expect it?” I shrug “I don’t know. You know what I’m talking about...don’t you?” Tilma gives a slight chuckle “Of course. Like I’ve told you before, I know everything. After being here all these years nothing passes by me, that’s for sure.” She finishes on that note and goes back to cleaning. I grab my clothes and go to take a bath. 

While pretty much all of the quarters have their own bathrooms, there is another larger, and fancier bath just turning left coming down the stairs and through the door. It reminds me in a way of the prefect bath in Harry Potter. A large pool like tub is set into the ground with a faucet in the middle. A great place to relax after a long day. I set my clothes on a rack by the wall and undress, slipping into the bath. The water is warm and steam fills the room, rising toward the ceiling. There are some soap bubbles that begin to form as the water fills up fully. 

As I sit on one of the ledges cut into the bath relaxing and thinking over the events of the day I hear the door open and look to see who it is. It’s Farkas. He notices me and startled turns to leave. “Wait!” I call and he stops “Stay.” Hesitantly he comes back into the room and closes the door behind him. “Here sit down on the edge, the waters warm.” He rolls up his pant legs and sits down, wading his legs in the water. “How did you find this anyways?” He asks “It’s usually locked or off limits to newcomers.” I shrug “I have my sources.” I reply back. “Is the door locked?” I ask after pausing for a moment. He nods “Good. Don’t want any other...unexpected interruptions.” On that note I walk toward him and up the steps until we’re face to face, my hands rest on his legs and my chest barely brushes against the fabric of his shirt. The two of us stay there for a moment, neither doing anything, before leaning in for a kiss...and another, and another after that. Pulling back I undo the buttons of his shirt and take it off, leaving his pants on. We might be Pan and Bi romantic respectively but there’s one commonality, we’re both still very very Ace and there’s some parts of the human body best left...not seen. This time leaning in for a kiss I wrap my arms around his neck and press myself against him before leaning back, pulling him into the water with me. His surprised yelp muffled by the kiss and less than amused expression upon popping back up from the water makes me laugh hysterically. “See? This is why it’s good to pay attention, even when being seduced.” I say with a grin and he splashes water at me in retaliation. I take my hair out of its usual ponytail and shake it to let everything down, placing the hair tie on a small strip of tile by the faucet. Half swimming and half walking over to Farkas I give him an inquisitive look “Oh come on, this isn’t nice? Be honest when’s the last time you took a bath in here?” Farkas sighs and rolls his eyes. “I guess so.” He pauses, thinking, “and I can’t remember when.”  I wrap my arms around his neck and look at him “That’s what I thought.” I say matter-of-factly and give him a kiss on the cheek. He wraps one arm around me and the other goes under my leg, picking me up, and he places me on one of the shelf like steps by the faucet, the mirror to the steps by the edge of the bath. “What did you think of today, hmm?” He asks sitting down next to me “Well other than it is very cool I happen to know a group of werewolves, and werewolf hunters are idiots, and confirming the fact I do not like Draugr but they’re better than zombies, not really that eventful.” Farkas laughs slightly “All that isn’t really eventful?” I shrug “I mean it is, but in the scheme of things? Nah. Now Helgan, that was eventful. Got tossed in a cart sat next to Ulfric stormcloak who was bound and gagged, saw the imperial army shoot one of my cart mates who was a horse thief who tried to escape, was about to get my head chopped off then a dragon razed the place to the ground! That’s what I consider eventful.” Farkas nods “Fair enough...I’m glad I didn’t scare you.” He admits. I smile and crawl over straddling his lap. “You’d never scare me because I know that deep down, or not so deep down really you’re just a big dork.” I think back to the first time we kissed out in the courtyard and the same sheepish reaction, it’s a very cute trait, and shows how caring someone can really be despite their supposed personality. I press myself against him and whisper in his ear “Now let’s do something else...other than talk.” Farkas gives me a look “Alright then, but first…” he picks me up and stands up and before I can register, I’m thrown back into the bubbly water. I pop up trying to move the hair out of my face. “You get a taste of your own medicine.” Farkas stands over by the ledge with his arms crossed and a barely hidden grin. “At least I’m not wearing any clothes.” I retort “...meanie.” Slowly I saunter back over, the water rippling slightly with each movement. Stopping to admire, just for a moment I think to myself how lucky I am before kissing him. Farkas pulls me closer and slips one hand between my legs, running his fingers along the inner thigh. Then, it moves up slightly and I stifle a yelp against his skin as it brushes the sensitive bundle of nerves. “Was this what you meant by ‘something other than talking’?” I nod, trying to catch my breath. “Thought so. Perks of being ace with Turner syndrome I guess?” He questions running his hand back down while the other stays wrapped around me to keep me stable. “Turners and prematurity. One of the few good things, some things are just a bit more sensitive...or a lot more.” I say softly. Eventually my legs threaten to give out, partly due to overstimulation and partly to exhaustion, and so he sits back down with me on his lap. Moving the hand that was keeping me in place he gently brushes against the side of my chest while the other one busies itself between my legs. I whine slightly and kiss along his neck and shoulder, he might have a bruise tomorrow, who cares? I’m the one who’ll really have them. 

His hand moves to my right breast and he thumbs against it gently, almost curiously “Why’s this one a bit discolored?” He asks, while a harmless question it does make me a bit self conscious and he notices my uneasy expression. “Sorry Len, I didn’t mean to offend you.” I look down at myself “You didn’t, if I were you I’d be curious too. It’s just from the wire indentation, took some of the pigment off and made the tissue a little funny.” I guide his fingers to a few others places along my upper chest and stomach “Like these. Same sort of thing, they just didn’t have any other colored tissue.” Farkas seems content with the explanation and we sit for a while before going back to what we’d been doing. In such a cavernous room, it’s awfully hard to stifle a moan, but between a hand covering just in time, conveniently being near a neck or shoulder to kiss or in dire circumstances biting ones lip it’s possible. Having finally climaxed I quickly become sleepy and almost lethargic, perfectly fine sitting there for awhile, dozing off at one point I believe before getting my energy back. 

“Do you think it might be high time you actually took a bath like you came here to do? Instead of just sitting here naked doing nothing?” Farkas asks in a genuinely curious though slightly teasing tone, giving my thigh a slight squeeze. I groan “Alright fine. Might as well.” I climb off of him and duck under the water again before coming back up to rinse my hair, the bubbles are starting to fade now but the water is still quite warm. Having cleaned up for real finally I get out and quickly dress. Farkas on the other hand is still in soaking wet pants but doesn’t seem to care much as we sit on the tiled floor chatting and passing the time until everyone else has gone to bed. 

Looking at the clock we decide that might as well go out and hope everyone’s gone to bed. And having checked, it seems everyone has...except for two. Tilma gives me a wink as she pretends not to be looking and as we turn a corner to the twins little area with their set of rooms Vilkas looks up from his book and stifles a laugh “What happened to you?” He asks his brother who gives him a less than pleased look. “Let me guess, you went looking for her…” he points to me. “Found her in the bath, I wondered why that was unlocked, and being the mischievous mage she is, your girlfriend probably seduced you and pulled you in.” I grin “That’s exactly what happened.” Vilkas nods “Called it. Anyways at least it’s just water. Goodnight and both of you go to bed already, it's past midnight.” Vilkas puts a marker in his book and turns off the light, bidding one final goodnight before closing the door and hopefully going to sleep. 

“I’ll be back in a second I just need to change.” Farkas explains gathering his clothes and heading into the bathroom attached to his own bedroom as I sit on the bed. When he comes out he turns out a majority of the lights, save for the one on the bedside table and closes and door. “So, do you want to just sleep here for the night?” He asks sitting down. I nod and crawl under the covers. “Alright then.” He remarks also getting into bed. I look at him then, the light from the lamp on the nightstand catches his eyes and a question pops into my head. I prop my head up on one arm “Do all werewolves have silver eyes?” I ask softly. Farkas pulls me closer and runs a hand through my hair, still undone to allow it to dry “What was that? I couldn’t quite hear you.” I repeat my question and he thinks for a moment, “At least everyone in the circle does. I don’t know about other werewolves. But at least with the circle you have silver eyes no matter your original eye colour, though you can see the original colour in undertones or specks of colour. That’s why Aela has more silver-green eyes, while Vilkas and I have bits of blue in ours. Skjor has more brownish undertones, and Kodlak has almost entirely silver as he had grey eyes beforehand.” He takes a hand and lifts my face up to get a better look “For you it would be a very interesting combination, as your eyes change in shades of blue-green depending on the light.” He lets go of my face “Any more questions?” I shake my head “Well then I have a question for you.” I prop myself up listening “What is it?” I ask, curious. “Why is it that even though you’re ace and sex repulsed, you still climax, and you still want to?” That’s a simple question wrapped in a difficult envelope. “Mostly; blame the hormones, pcos makes them all over the place. Other than that, at least so long as you have that little bundle of nerves which is sort of but not really a sexual thing, most people don’t know what it is or where to find it honestly so I’d lean toward it’s not, if you stimulate that and/or clench your pelvic muscles enough tada, climax! And most preemies have it a bit larger than normal which 1. Makes it easier to find and 2. A lot more stimulation. Combine that with foreplay and it’s great for when pcos is being a bitch and making your stomach hurt. In summary; so long as there’s enough stimulation from what non-Ace people would consider foreplay type things like kissing and touching etc, your muscles eventually get the impulse to contract and that’s what ends up happening.” Farkas thinks my answer over for a moment “Yeah that makes sense. Pcos does not sound like a very enjoyable syndrome.” I shake my head “It’s not but it’s manageable. And I have a follow up question for you; how come if you’re ace and sex repulsed you still like to touch me and make me climax?” Farkas pulls me on top of him “That’s easy; 1. The satisfaction of making you squirm is more enjoyable than anything sexual 2. It might not be quite as big as a climax but there’s some give and take.” He rubs the mark on his neck “For example, this.” I blush slightly. “3. As we just discussed pcos sounds like it sucks and while I do not happen to own a uterus if I can make said person with pcos feel better might as well 4. This one is obvious but you are very very pretty and generally very cute and who wouldn’t want to kiss you and cuddle you when you have on varying degrees of clothing? And lastly 5. Because I love you.” By the last two points my face is bright red “I love you too.” I mumble looking away trying to hide the smile breaking out on my face. 

Farkas sits up with me in his lap and moves a strand of hair out of my face. “Today turned out to be quite the day.” I nod “What was your favorite part?” He asks though I assume he already knows the answer “Pulling you into the bath.” I giggle. “Of course it was. Next time might as well just tell me you’ll do that?” I pout “But that ruins all the fun!” Farkas rolls his eyes “I’m sure it does...are you sure it’s not what comes after that’s really the fun part?” I stop and think for a moment “No, I mean that is definitely enjoyable, but I wouldn’t exactly classify it as fun per say. More just...pleasurable.” Farkas sighs “Fair enough” he says and lays back down, I lean down and give him one last kiss goodnight before laying down curled up next to him and quickly falling asleep to the rhythm of his breathing. 

-The next morning-

Well I was right, both of us did in fact end up with bruises, though aside from a few on the neck and shoulder and perhaps bruises or scratches here and there on the back Farkas is relatively unscathed. Myself on the other hand...less so. I look down my camisole to assess some of the damage, not a whole lot but definitely some light bruising along my sides from being held and a tiny bit on my chest from generally being tossed around and splashing around in the water. My inner legs, particularly the upper part are more extensively bruised and almost a dark purple blue in some spots. While I can’t see it well enough I’d guess part of my neck is the same.

 I had woken up first and sit on his lap examining both of our markings from the previous night. Having done that I lean down and kiss him, running a hand along his chest. His eyes flutter open “Good morning.” I say going to sit back up but he grabs me by the waist and rolls over before I can do anything. “What was that for?” I ask looking up at him “Just for fun. Having you underneath me makes a lot of things easier, particularly if you’re not feeling great and considering yesterday I would assume things, anything hurt?” I think for a moment and point to the cut on my arm I had gotten yesterday in Dustman's Cairn. He leans down and kisses it. I then point to my side, and the same ordeal. Finally I point to the bruises on my neck, he moves my hair out of the way to examine them closer “I either really did a number on you, or you bruise really easily.” I shrug “Or both, they don’t hurt a lot, just a bit. You should see my legs” he looks down “I’m not sure I want to.” He kisses the bruises on my neck before rolling back over with me on top of him. “You seem to like doing this in the morning?” He remarks “Doing what?” I ask, a bit confused “Sitting in my lap and teasing me until I wake up. Am I right?” I smirk “Maybe…” He sits up and turns on the light “You should probably get dressed, Anna.” I make a whine of protest and he takes my face in his hands and gives me a soft kiss “Don’t worry about it, if you really want to you can pull me into the bath again tonight. Just this time...either you conjure me clothes or give me a warning beforehand, ok?” I sigh, but agree. Reluctantly I get out of bed and begin to get dressed “No peeking!” I exclaim turning around and pulling off my shirt “Why not? It’s not like I didn’t see you without any clothes less than twelve hours ago.” Farkas jokes and I turn around giving him a less than pleased look “Fine.” He sighs covering his eyes. 

Having both gotten dressed we start upstairs for breakfast. “What happened to you? Draugr bite your or something?” Skjor asks noticing the mark on my neck “It was a...a wolf.” I reply after a moment of quick thinking “I’m ok though it’s not as bad as it looks. I bruise easily.” In the background behind Skjor, Vilkas is trying to keep from laughing, Skjor seems to be content enough with the answer and leaves. “There is an element of truth in there at least. You really did get bit by a wolf, just not exactly the wild kind.” Vilkas jokes while cutting up his food, Farkas grumbles and gives him a slight punch in the arm “Ow.” Vilkas remarks not stopping what he’s doing. “I must admit...that was a nice cover though.”He adds taking a bite of his food.

 Having finished the trial successfully I go about my day, though throughout the day my thoughts are preoccupied; now what should my strategy be tonight? I doubt reusing the same thing would work again. Hmm...perhaps get him talking about the Silver Hand and shove him in? I’ll figure it out, eventually. I run into Tilma again sweeping up after breakfast “So, how do you like the bath?” She asks not looking up from her work “Looks like you two had quite the nice time there last night.” I smile nervously “Now I’m trying to think of a tactic for tonight.” I admit. Tilma looks at me “Oh I’m sure you’ll think of something. Just bring a spare pair of clothes for each of you, lock the door and get talking.” She pauses “Distraction is really the key.” She points out. 

She is right I guess, if I’d never gotten distracted and realized the gate had come down then I never would have learned about the silver hand and such. Tilma is right when she says it, she really does know everything

Monday, June 14, 2021

The 7 year (and a day) anniversary of a series of unfortunate events (Now with new problems!)

 Yesterday, though thankfully a Sunday rather than a Friday, June 13th, marked the seven year anniversary of the day that my life turned completely on its head. The point of no return, if you will. So, rather than wallow in pity, I went out and got myself a mini individual sized cake to celebrate 3/4ths of a decade not one does.

However, this particular year was...interesting. 

Why? Oh, no reason, and thankfully not directly involving me. Just that I saw my poor brother lying on a sidewalk with an oxygen of 69% turning purple and shaking before being taken to hospital by ambulance the night before at dinner, and had to spend the night with family friends. That is a mental image I will not soon forget, if I in fact ever forget it. All unfortunate circumstances aside, I did end up having a nice time with said family friends after being whisked away from the scene as soon as the emergency vehicles departed. We had a midnight pizza party and split some ice cream as we had no time to anybody eat a piece of their meal at the restaurant. 

The following day, yesterday, it was a nice distraction to what I associate with June 13th. We had a lovely brunch in Harvard Square after walking the dog (who I must admit, was not fond of me. COVID era dogs with major anxiety of people coming into the space, what can you do?) which was delicious, walked around, and took a nice shady walk along memorial drive which is closed to cars on Sundays to go back to the car. 

While there remain to be (rather severe) problems, and I am still in a state of relapse which is quite unfortunate, this year, I think, was one of the better ways to spend June 13th. 


Here's to many more anniversaries of not dying in the years to come.


Until next time,


Thursday, June 10, 2021

Happy Pride Month from Disabiltiy Diaries

 A quick post to pop in and say Happy Pride Month from the team at Disability Diaries! 

Unfortunately due to COVID-19 there isn't a whole lot of pride themed festivities going on this year, and since a 3/4 members of the team are immunocompromised in some way, shape or form, we couldn't exactly go anyways, but we are celebrating being our authentic selves nonetheless and hope you are too. 

Max will be having a sale on their Etsy during the month of June and donating a portion of all proceeds from sales this month to a local charity that deals a lot with lgbtqia+ related matters. No code needed, but if you would like 20% off your order you can use any of their rep codes which are as follows: DIVISHA20, NIKKI20, SARAH20, and SOPHIE20 any rep code will be able to give you 20% off your order (also, orders over $35 USD ship free!) and can be used through September 1st when a new term of shop reps are chosen. Check out Max's Etsy shop, Here.

Otherwise, the team is relaxing, soaking up the sun (when it's out in the case of Sarah) finishing up summer courses and internships, and getting ready for summer jobs to start at the end of the month. 

May your month be gay (in both definitions) and your June be lovely!

Until next time,

The Disability Diaries Team

Monday, May 31, 2021

Goodbye Zoom, you won't be missed...


  After a long and tiresome semester, I am more than happy to say...



     All in all, this semester rivals my 7th grade year in difficulty, both with health issues rearing their ugly head again (thankfully in a much less severe state than it was in seventh grade, airway wise, at least.) and with schoolwork itself. I unfortunately ended up having with withdraw from my introductory chemistry course in the week before finals, as with my dyscalcula and other learning disabilities/developmental disability, the course was too much for my very exhausted brain to handle. The math component would go in one ear and out the other. On a brighter note, I achieved all B+ grades in the classes that were not graded pass/fail, and received a passing grade in the one that was. 


The introductory neuroscience course was in my opinion the most interesting, but also the most drama laden and demanding course. It did not help that the peer mentors assigned to the group were for the most part less than helpful, if not outright condescending. Being on zoom at 9:00 AM EST (and sometimes for early morning peer mentor and professor meetings, 7:00 AM EST!) didn't help either. The college is planning for an in person fall semester after a successful trial of having students on campus this spring semester, there were a few hiccups with parties and such similar college life staples that caused the campus to have to revert to a prior stage and quarantine or isolate students, but overall for the ones who were on campus, it seemed like life was overall a success. I am excited to be back in a classroom after a year and a half of zoom based school from my dining room table. And I am very excited to be social again, as for some odd (likely pandemic driven) reason, many of my close friends seem to have forgotten about me when their schools opened in the fall or the spring of 2020/2021 but I have taken the opportunity to get closer with some of my friends who I was previously close but perhaps not as close with as my original inner circle, silver linings do exist, I guess. 


 On the horizon I have a few plans, most notably is to figure out the plan for my second vaccine. If you are new to my blog (and hello if you are! I wrote a re-introduction post the other month and would suggest you start there, if you are here for disability fanfic, there are tags divided into TES, Neverwinter, and Dragon Age, happy reading regardless!) you probably are unfamiliar with the fact that I had a reaction to my first Pfizer COVID-19 Vaccine back in April, which resulted in an 11 hour Emergency Department trip, lots of urgent follow up appointments, a relapse of my oh so pesky vocal cord problems (more on that later or in another post) and now a referral to the director of the Pediatric Infection Disease and Immunodeficiency program at MGHfC here in Boston. Due to my precarious and compromised airway my team had decided cohesively all to say N.O. to my second vaccine after my reaction to the first one, given that the first dose gives roughly 80% immunity, and the immune response is significantly higher in the second dose, it was decided "yeah...your body and specifically your airway cannot handle that at the current moment, you should get it eventually, since you would almost definitely die if you got COVID-19, but now is not the time. We need protocol first." Currently I am waiting for the referral to go through before I can get an appointment with the clinic. Luckily, my pulmonologist and allergist both work in the same general clinic space as the infectious disease clinic, Pulmonary and Sleep medicine on the left door, Allergy/Immunology and Infectious Disease on the right door. 

Other than running to and from appointments, and having follow up neurology appointments regarding the medication we have been trialing for Myoclonus-Dystonia Syndrome (an incredibly rare movement disorder caused by genetic defect that has an incidence of roughly 1 in 500 thousand in Europe, the global and US incidence rates are unknown) that are virtual rather than schlepping to the hospital and back, I have finally had the time to get back into writing, and editing the number of fics I had tabled when the spring semester started. I am currently writing 3 including one commission, editing another 5 and proofreading 2 that should be ready to publish soon. I will likely queue them up here on blogger so I have things ready to go in the coming months while I work on actually writing other things to keep the content flow moving. Additionally, I've had time to work on fixing my xbox360 controller that had a battery leak in December, confirmed it is in fact the battery pack that was the problem the controller itself turns on now, which is a relief, and I'll be spending most of my summer at the JCC being a counselor for the lower camp.  Nothing like corralling first graders from 9:00 to 5:00 Monday through Friday from June to late August am I right? Sarcasm aside, I am excited to be able to be around people again, get to work with the kids, and spending time outside in the fresh air. The free summer membership to the JCC isn't so bad either granted they have two pools. 


I should find a mathimatics tutor probably as well, or at least do Khan Academy to prepare for classes on campus, but for now I am simply relaxing, going outside (and avoiding pollen and airway irritants don't worry pulm I know the rules) catching up on some gaming and reading, and trying my best to catch up with friends when I can. 


May your summer (or winter for friends in the southern hemisphere) be lovely and hopefully temperate! And may COVID-19 get its ugly self away soon. Get vaccinated if you can and remember to stay safe!!


Until next time,


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Wednesday, April 14, 2021

Relapse, because a pandemic wasn’t bad enough

 Yesterday while the weather was warm and I finished up class by 10:00 AM turned out to be really a much less than ideal day by the evening, though I did get dinner which improved things ever so slightly. Why did things turn out less than ideal? A number of factors, really. Keep reading to find out. 

The biggest factor being none other than *drumroll please* RELAPSE

Yes, you read that correctly, I have now relapsed for the third time in seven years, thankfully not super severe- but in the words of ENT during and after I had the laryngoscope that I have lost count what number it is, I am right at the edge of tipping the scale and going into a full relapse- stridor and all. As of now, my voice is just scratchy/hoarse and every now and then squeaks with difficulty breathing in, no stridor thankfully. 

This however becomes a predicament- I was supposed to get my second Pfizer vaccine on the 27th (and had a dystonic reaction to my first one last Monday that resulted in the medical assist team being called and an 11 hour ED trip because I am never a boring patient in the words of GI) and ENT is worried enough about my compromised airway that if I have another reaction it could be potentially very dangerous. Now the plan is to get the entire team together, including the new movement disorder specialist who figured out the specific MD I have- myoclonus dystonia syndrome, a rare disorder with an incidence of 1 in 500,000 (in Europe) caused by genetic mutations. 

We are hoping that with treatment for the myoclonus dystonia syndrome this relapse will improve, or at the least not get worse. At the current moment the booster shot of the Pfizer vaccine is off the table and on hold, but that could potentially change depending if the vaccine clinic could have me be given the vaccine either in the vaccine clinic with neuro, ICU, and ENT staff at the ready, hospital ED, on the neurology or ENT/Airway floors, or the Medical Intensive Care Unit in order to have a quick response should they need to stabilize me.

Additionally, outside of relapse- the new neurologist would like me to be checked for mitochondrial disease, the rest of my team when I brought it up to them just kind of nodded and went “Oh, yeah. That makes a lot of sense I can see that.” Now the difficult part- contacting the mitochondrial disease clinic!

There really is never a dull moment is there? I’m very much hoping this relapse resolves itself soon and without any sort of odd complications.

Until next time,