Healing (Alarian)

 Alistair stares at me silently from across the table as we sit at breakfast. I avoid looking up but I can feel him staring. “What are you lookin’ at?” I ask cutting up a piece of egg. “You look...different” he says and I look up “Different? Different how?” He shrugs “Sort of sad. Like an old toy that’s gotten tossed around too many times.” I scoff “Story of my life.” I quickly finish my breakfast and continue to go about my day, not forgetting that comment.

Later I look at myself in the mirror. My hair has started to grow back from when it was haphazardly cut, I grasp a clump of it, it’s less wavy when it’s short. The scar on my face that has been there as long as I remember is more prominent than usual, since all the dirt has been washed away. The cuts and bruises along my arms, stomach and further down are beginning to heal. I look down at a large black and blue bruise on my inner thigh and feel tears well up. I wipe one away as it rolls down my cheek.

Leliana knocks and opens the door. “Ali? Are you alright?” She asks poking her head in the doorway. Tears stream down my cheeks now and I shake my head. Leliana comes in and closes the door before giving me a hug and holding me close. “Why does everything bad happen to me?” I ask burying my face against her shirt. “I don’t know kiddo. But healing takes time. You’ll be okay.” She gently strokes my hair “It’ll all be okay.”

Leliana hugs me for awhile longer until I calm down. “Thank you.” I whisper. Leliana pats me on the head and leaves me to take a bath. After cleaning up I go to bed having Leliana’s words run over in my head as I drift off to sleep.

My nightmares have lessened in the past few months, now I rarely remember my dreams at all upon waking. Panic attacks happen every now and then, but they’re less intense than they were. There’s still an element of avoidance, though not quite as much anymore.

One day while wandering around I stumble upon Anna sitting on her doorstep, she looks bad, to say the least. Bruised up a bit and overtired. I wonder what happened? Peaking around the corner of the house I wave “Hi there.” Anna startles, practically jumping in panic and looks around “Oh it’s you...Hi.” She runs a hand through her hair and gives me a small smile. I walk over to her and look her up and down “What happened to you?” I ask out of curiosity. Anna pauses and looks down “I...don’t want to talk about it.” She says softly and looks up at me, I recognize the look in her eyes. “You were assaulted...weren’t you?” I ask, sitting down next to her. “Not quite, but it was awfully close.” She pauses “Even though nothing really happened...I still get nightmares, flashbacks of sorts. It’s like I can’t get it out of my head.” I nod “I understand. But with time, and probably therapy, it gets better. There’s good days, and bad days, but eventually you do heal. It’s not linear but eventually the ‘victim’ becomes the ‘survivor’ and that’s a big step.” Anna gives me another small smile “You’ve been through a lot for such a small person, I really do admire you.” We sit in silence for a few minutes, watching the wind blow through the trees and listening to the birds and other animals. Sofie opens the door and taps Anna on the shoulder, and Anna tells me she has to go inside, I take that as my cue to leave and begin to head back home.

I think about Anna that night as I lay in the dark, unable to fall asleep. She has a strong will, and a kind heart. I think that with time she’ll heal from the pain and the trauma, and that...at least for her...everything really will be alright