Weathering the storm (Lanriael)

I don't usually write with Lani so here goes. (Lanriael suffers from mental illness and this story is surrounding that)

I lay in bed and stare at the ceiling. What time is it? Is it night is it day is it today or is it still yesterday? Is it 10:30 or is it 3:00? I glance sideways at my clock on my desk to the left of my bed. It's 2:45, great three hours and 15 minutes left...then school. Ugh, it's a horrid place, like a jungle filled with predators who will gladly attack you. The hallways are crowded, the classrooms noisy, the students rude and harsh. School. It would have been bad enough if I were "normal" but I'm not, I'm me. I try to fall asleep but I can't, looks like it's gonna be a long night for me.

"Lani wake up." My mother says. I open my eyes sleepily, shaking away the remains of sleep, I guess I had fallen asleep anyway. "Do I have to go Ama? I can't I just go to work with you?" (For those of you who don't speak elvish "Ama" means "Mother" and "Ada" means "Father") I sit up in bed and she puts her hand on my cheek, gently stroking it and Looks at me and says "Lani you have to go to school, here's a deal, you go until 11:00 and then we can go somewhere for my lunch break and back to the hospital ok? Ada has a business meeting today so you can't go with him" I think it over and reply "that's a good idea, can Carmen come too?" My mother laughs and says "Yes Cam can come too." I smile. Something that doesn't happen very often.

"Lani!!!" I here a voice yell and the sound of running feet, Sarah and Carmen. My friends, well Carmen (Cam) is my best friend and Sarah is her girlfriend (yes, HER GIRLFRIEND...deal with it) I wave as they run down the hall to me and Sarah yells to me "You might want to stand over to the side! We're having a race!" I quickly move as they come rushing past, Sarah's winning, her short brown hair is risky contrast to Cam's long(ish) blond hair, like mine but straight. They stop at the end of the hall "I beat you." Sarah says tiredly and they walk back to me. Carmens wheezing (she has asthma) and I ask if she needs her inhaler. She does, we walk into the nurses office and they say "Hello girls, what do you need? Lanriael you need to take your medicine." I tell the nurse Carmen needs her inhaler and then go take my medicine, it's for my Anxiety and OCD. They give us a pass and then we go to math class. I hate math, it's algebra and I am horrible at it, it gives me panic attacks because I can't do it and freak out. Geometry is ok though. I watch the clock every few minutes alternating between the teacher and the time, the times more interesting though. Then the voices start, when I tune stuff out I go to my own little world in my head and talk with the voices there. Some are nice but others are not, I don't pay attention to those ones. Then the teacher says something, I couldn't understand what it was, she kept looking at me and saying it over and over again until she yelled it, then and only then, did I come back to the world. She was saying my name, calling on me, the rest of the class was looking at me. "See me after class ms.Cohen." My teacher, Mrs.James said. I looked at my shoes "Yes ms.james" I said meekly. After class when all the student (Except Sarah and Carmen who were waiting in the hall) had left Mrs.James began her lecture "You really need to try harder Lanriael, your failing my class. Pay attention more, take notes, don't just watch the time!" I swallowed hard and looked at her "Yes Ms.Jones. Is that all?" She glared at me but said "yes that is all you may leave". I gathered my books and left the room meeting my friends, it was 10:55, time to go. "What did the old meanie say?" Carmen asked curiously "That I need to try harder or she'll fail me." I responded. "Try harder?! Who does she think she is?! I'm telling your mom about this!" I looked at her and laughed "oh please do she will definitely have something to say. Come on we're supposed to meet her at the office. Sarah you coming to?? " Carmen looks over and smiles at Sarah "Fine I'll come" she says, only I'm not sure who she said it to! My mom meets us a little while later, then off we go.


We walk into the main center of Alinor (The city in which we live) and go to this VERY GOOD restaurant called Sarabeths. They have excellent tomato soup. After lunch we go to the hospital for a few hours. I work with my mom, Sarah helps in the waiting room and Carmen is the person who's being funny and distracting the kids getting blood drawn. This is the hemotology/oncology clinic anyways. At around 2:00 my mom says that we can go home, she has to go to a meeting. We grab our stuff and head back to my house chatting along the way. When we get home I go get my laptop and pull up episode 1 of Fairy Tail. It's Cam and my favorite one and Sarah hasn't seen fairy tail. That's what we spend the rest of the afternoon doing. At around 6:30 They leave to go back to their own homes. I'm all alone now, no ones here, just me and the darkness, and the darkness takes hold again. I fall to my knees in the empty living room. The moonlight coming through a window and cry. I don't even know why I'm crying, then my mother comes in. Naturally being concerned she rushes to my side, hugs me and asks "What's wrong Lani?" I answer between sobs "I don't know. Everything is too much to deal with I couldn't take it anymore!! And now my math teacher says that I have to 'try harder and listen better' I try to listen and work my best but it's not enough!!!" And continue to cry. You can only weather a storm so much until the storm finally wins. But that wasn't going to happen. Not to me. Not yet. I'll still weather the storm even if it's bad...

I started to cry myself during the end while proof reading. Lani keep fighting my friend, keep fighting.

Until next time,
Meredith


link to audio reading of story