This can only be described as gay pining at its finest.
On nights when I can’t sleep I like to sit outside on the rock formations that overlook the Sea of Ghosts behind the tower and think or watch the moons and stars overhear, tonight is one of those nights. Where Master Neloth is I’m not sure, and quite frankly I don’t particularly care, I could use a break from the old man. Most likely he is busy off doing something with Valan, they always got along well for some reason. After a number of hours tossing and turning in my bedroll on the floor, and even doing laundry and attempting to sleep in the spare bed nobody uses that I am for some reason not allowed to use under normal circumstances with little difference I throw back the covers and get dressed, might as well go get some fresh air.
Everyone else is asleep at this time, the cook went to sleep long ago, as did the steward, the mycologist probably went to bed more recently given the fact she tends to lose track of time when lost in her research. Now it’s just me, but I don’t mind that fact. Stepping off the landing of the lab I float slowly down to the doorway and step out into the night, it’s a clear night for once, and rather calm, while some of the ash is always blowing it isn’t at all stormy. Walking down the walkway that leads from the tower I turn and cut through the cracks between the buildings to get to my usual spot and sit on one of the smooth rocks that form a sort of clifflike wall. The moons are bright tonight as they shine over the sea making the waves crash against the shore in a repetitive pattern. In the distance the small town of Ravenrock can be seen, originally an Imperial mining operation that was taken over by the Redoran when the Empire pulled out after the ebony mines dried up. Some people must still be awake there judging by the lights in the distance. I know someone who lives there, a mercenary of sorts, named Teldryn Sero.
Originally I met him one day while running errands for Master Neloth and much to my embarrassment quite literally ran into him as I was too preoccupied with trying to figure out the handwriting on the list than where I was walking. Luckily he didn’t mind too much, pointed me in the right direction, and went on his way. Since then whenever I’ve been into town he says hello and we’ve gotten to know each other more. Usually I find him at the inn where he rents a room but occasionally he’ll be out walking around doing other things. Sitting on the rocks I kick my legs back and forth thinking about it, I wonder if he realizes my feelings that I may want to be more than friends? Oh who am I kidding, of course he doesn’t, and even if he does they’re probably not reciprocated. I mean, what would a former Morag Tong assassin and a mercenary want to do with an apprentice wizard?! Besides, I don’t even know if he likes men…okay while I am almost positive he likes men I am not 100% sure. Even if the feeling was mutual I doubt Master Neloth would allow it, relationships can be distracting apparently, according to him at least…to me it sounds like he just needs more friends, like anyone besides Valan and Fyr would want to be his friend. As I sit thinking and looking out on the water an old traditional song pops into my head about a similar topic. Long ago in a far away city there was the son of a blacksmith who loved the daughter of a woodcutter but the family didn’t approve and so someone wrote a song to commemorate it.
Tired of sitting there in silence I begin to sing to myself the old song
“Pǎomǎ liū zī de shānshàng yī duǒ liūliū de yún yō duān duān liū zī de zhào zài
kāngdìng liūliū de chéng yō” High upon the mountainside, floats a cloud so white.
There lies kangding town, bathed in silver moonlight. “yuèliàng wān wān
kāngdìng liūliū de chéng yō” Moonlight shines bright over kangding town. Just as moonlight shines in the story, so does it shine here, on this tiny godsforsaken island with the tiny town and the cold surrounding sea.
“Lǐ jiā liūliū de dàjiě réncái liūliū de hǎo yō zhāng jiā liūliū de dàgē kàn shàng liú liū de tā yō yuèliàng wān wān kàn shàng zī liū de tā yō” Lovely maid with a sweet smile, Li the woodcutter's daughter. Zhang the blacksmiths eldest's son, came to court her in moonlight.
Moonlight shines bright, a courtship in moonlight. Sometimes I wonder if I might have had better luck in relationships if I were a girl, or if I liked women, but I doubt it. Other times I wonder if Teldryn knows about the location of the tower, perhaps next time I see him I’ll drag him back with me, Telvanni towers are a sight to see, after all. And maybe he’d even come back and visit? With a sigh I rest my head on my arm that's supported by my leg, still swinging back and forth as I sit there. I really need to come up with a better plan to get a boyfriend don’t I? Who am I supposed to ask though? Neloth? I’d be dead before I ask the old man. Valan? He doesn’t have a clue, he doesn’t like anybody! I suppose I could ask Ayron, Fyr’s former apprentice and adopted son of sorts…that’s an option. “Yī lái liūliū de kàn shàng réncái zī liū de hǎo yō èr lái liūliū de kàn shàng huì dāng liū zī de jiā yō yuèliàng wān wān huì dāng liū zī de jiā yō.” First, he has fallen in love because she is talented and good-looking. Second, he has fallen in love because she can take care of the family. The crescent moon can take care of the family. I’m sure my parents must have some degree of disappointment in me considering how I turned out, I’ll never have a family so the bloodline ends with me, and I’m the apprentice to an eccentric old wizard. Oh well, it’s better than being a not particularly strong saltrice farmer I guess. “Shìjiān liūliūde nǚzǐ, rènwǒ liūliūde ài yō.Shìjiān liūliūde nánzǐ, rènnǐ liūliūde qiú yō. Yuèliang wān wān, rènnǐ liūliūde qiú yō.” Lovely maidens of the world, I cannot but love you. Gentlemen of the world, they cannot but woo you. Moonlight shines bright, they cannot but woo you. Perhaps I’m a bit jealous of straight people sometimes, their lives seem so much easier, but in the end I don’t think I’d trade my experience for it. Finishing the song I sit in silence again, still thinking, and hum some parts of the song to myself every now and then. Over time the darkness begins to wane, making way for a new day as the sun rises in the east as it always does, a glaring reminder that I should get some sleep while I still can. Spending the last few minutes of solitude staring out at the sea I gather my thoughts and attempt to stuff my feelings back down into confinement until I can process them fully before getting up, dusting myself off from the stray ash and walking back inside. Once changed back into my night clothes I consider sleeping in the bed again, but it didn’t work the first time so I doubt it will work the second time and opt for my bedroll on the floor instead. Making a mental note to go into town in the morning after making up some excuse to the steward I close my eyes and drift off to sleep, the song playing faintly in my head as I enter a dreamless sleep.
“Talvas, wake up!” Varona nudges me less than slightly and I open my eyes with a groan “I’m up I’m up I’m up you can stop kicking me now!” I say, batting her foot away and rolling over “You overslept it’s almost nine in the morning, what, were you up all night?” I sit up and look at her…no comment. “Do you have a plan for the day?” She asks as I get up and go to make tea, I need something to wake me up after all and I’ve never been a fan of coffee. “Need to go into Raven Rock, Neloth needs some things, I’ll be back in the late afternoon or evening.” I tell the stewardess and having heard that she takes her leave, going to annoy the cook instead. Leaning on one of the tables I drink my tea slowly waking up before getting dressed and gathering the necessary materials. “Where are you going?” the mycologist asks, poking her head out the door of her study as I rush past “Into town, ask Varona. Bye!” I say briefly turning and giving her a wave before continuing to run off. Time to run errands and hopefully not cause another embarrassing event that will haunt my dreams. I can hope…right?
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