When At A Wedding... (Valan)

A/N: This is short but quite silly and was rather fun to write at midnight with no other thoughts other than Fyr is incredibly petty and that without a doubt rubbed off on Valan. Typical Telvanni wizard things.

 May 2023 Mini Fic Prompt: Evil Wedding Speech

I don’t want to be here, I don’t even know why I’m here. Despite everything, politics are not a well developed skill of mine, and yet here I am, sitting at a counts wedding. “You’re giving a speech.” Fyr tells me sternly with a nudge in the side to get my attention. That was not a request, it was a command. With a sigh I agree to comply, but in asking me to do this I hope he knows I’m taking a page out of his book. There may be a wedding speech, but it won’t necessarily be a good, or particularly polite, one. Hitting my spoon against a glass I get the attention of the room and stand, clearing my throat before announcing I have a speech. The room is primarily comprised of Imperial nobles, politicians, and other high ranking officials. There are a few Bretons, a couple of Nords, but aside from Fyr who sits next to me looking incredibly bored, not a single Dunmer. This may at least get us out of here quicker, and possibly out of the city in general. “Dearly beloathed, we are gathered here today to witness the union of my dear friend, the count of Leyawiin, who has been so helpful to my people in the past…and the snake that is the countess.” At that Fyr perks up and the rest of the room looks at me in shock. The countess doesn’t seem all that surprised, we famously don’t get along. “While I wish all the best for the new couple, please do know that one of them was involved in my unlawful imprisonment and eventual deportation. On behalf of House Telvanni, please take this gift.” with a quick spell I summon as many magical creatures as possible. With familiars, atronachs, and everything else running about the room, causing the room to break out into chaos, the nobles run in a panic while the few Bretons there attempt to control things, though they know that the creatures won’t harm anyone who doesn’t harm them and will disappear again after a few minutes. Fyr calmly sits in his chair watching the calamity and I hit him lightly in the arm to get his attention this time, gesturing toward the door. “Time to go?” I ask with a grin, this entire experience was more fun than I was expecting. At the question Fyr gets up with a groan and we silently slip out of the room, making our way down enough hallways that the door is within sight when two guards step in front of us, blocking the way. Fyr, having had enough of the Imperial court casts them aside by use of a spell I still haven’t quite mastered despite intense concentration with nothing more than a wave. Note to self: if you’re going to be forced to go to a wedding, make an evil wedding speech, and bring an ancient and easily annoyed wizard.