If they fade... (Alarian)

I walk around the camp, pacing furiously. My head filled with thoughts, only I'm not sure which ones. The flash by my eyes for a second then blur and flash and are easily replaced by another unfixated image only to be gone again. Maybe this is what Fenris experiences sometimes, when he's really happy. Like if he's with Hawke. He's told me that when he spent his first night with Garret he had images of his life before "The Ritual" when his former master put lyrium under his skin in terms of those markings if you've ever seen him. The light blue swirls and lines that cover his arms and chest. When he woke up in the morning he had dreams of what his life was like before, with his sister and mother, he made a deal with the slaver in order to secure freedom for his mother and younger sister. He never remembered that before, he never remembered anything. Shocked he tore a piece of cloths from Hawkes sheet, got dressed, tied the fabric to his wrist and when Hawke woke up awkwardly explained he needed time alone and ran out of the room. My visions are different, they aren't like that, not really at least. Their of my time in the circle, and...other things. I go and stumble into my tent on weak knees falling over, I'm not sure if I hit a bed, could be mine or it could be Zevran's. Or I could have missed them altogether. Darkness seizes me before I can tell. Images of the ransacked circle tower flash by first, then quickly turn more disturbing. Visions of Darkspawn, Ostagar and that terrible night, my poor friend and Alistair's former mentor Duncan, and they get worse. Kenelm Stratford telling me of my past, those lost pictures of my mother, the old castle in Tevinter, That horrible camp I was in. I think back to that night. It was thunder storming outside and I heard a slight noise, thought it was just the dog and went back to sleep. Then I felt strong arms grab me and cloth over my mouth, and a thump on my head. Everything went black, I woke up in a dimly lit room with horned Qunari all around me, I was strapped to a metal chair and I remember thinking to myself "oh no, I'm- I'm...NO." Then a Qunari with a bloodstained apron and a needle filled with a dark blue ink jabs into my arm and by Fen'Harel did that hurt like the very firey pits of hell. They carved the numbers that are stuck in my upper left arm for the rest of my life. I was then taken to another room and a solider took a butchers knife and chopped off all my hair. Then I was pushed out into the mud and rain and left to fend for myself, or die, though if it weren't for Mr. Stratford I most likely be dead. I wake up with a start, it was like Fenris, only a moment and everything flashed before me. I see a shadow and look up, to find Zevran, Morrigan, Oghren and Sten standing above me. I crawl back at seeing Sten, after all I did just have a nightmare about Qunari. I look past to see Morrigan trying to look past the giant warrior as well as Oghren still a bit tipsy and last but not least Zev. "Are you alright?" Sten asks. I try to stop shaking "Wha-What?" I stutter. "Hey, Kid. You alright? You kinda stumbled in here and fell on the floor." Leliana and Wynne push past the others and crouch beside me. Wynne starts a healing spell and Leliana, Leliana just hugs me, I lean into the hug and feel the hot tears starting to form and hope the others don't see me cry. Morrigan turns to Oghren and Sten "go wait over there you two, go talk to Alistair or Shale or Sandal and his father or someone just let us deal with  this." Sten grunts and Oghren simply walks away over to the fire and sits on a log next to Alistair, of corse he wouldn't care, I'm just some dumb Mage to him. Zevran picks me up and places me on the bed as Morrigan and Wynne continue checking me over. "What happened?" Leliana and Zev ask at the same time. "I'm not sure. I started seeing these images as I was walking and then I felt a bit woozy so I went to lie down and before I got to my bed everything went black and I saw everything, my childhood in the circle, meeting all of you, Ostagar, Kenelm Stratford when he explained my Scar, That horrible death camp. And..." I trail off "And, what?" Morrigan asks cautiously. I take a deep breath "and I saw things that weren't even in my lifetime that happened hundreds of years ago when Andastrate lead her exalted March with Shartan!!" I sputter out quickly. Lelianas eyes widen "You, you mean you lived through Shartans eyes? You saw Andastrate, the bride of the Maker and Empress of Fire?!" I nod "I knew you were a messenger of God but I didn't know you lived as THAT messenger of God!" Zevran says obviously intrigued, I mean who wouldn't? Wynne interrupts the conversation "now excuse me for interrupting but you did hit yourself on that bed, fairly hard if I may add. I need to see if any of your cuts became reopened, I really don't want to stitch them up because I know of your fear of needles and stitches. May I take of your shirt, I know you have on a tee shirt underneath." I shiver at the mention of stitches but nod yes and she removes my shirt. Wynne's face creases "hmmm." And whispers something to morrigan who nods and then sits next to me "okay, so I have good news and I have bad news which do you want first?" She says. I look at Leliana and Zevran who both look worried "umm. Good news?" Leliana says. "Well it's not too serious but as for the images thing talk to Fenris, Anders, Dorian, Merrill or Hawke next time we see any of them. And the bad news...it opened up a few scars." She buys her lip after finishing. Why is it always my stupid scars?! Why is my body covered with them it's not fair!!!! I keep that inside myself like the little thing of bottled up rage that I am that occasionally gets unleashed by my aggression disorder. "Will they fade? Can they fade?" I ask, not sure who I ask but I ask. Wynne replies as she stands up "Can they fade? Yes. It is not a matter of can they fade Alarian my dear. It is a matter of If they fade..." Zevran walks over to his bed and picks up a blanket and throws it to Leliana who places it over me "Now get some rest Ali, I'll wake you in an hour or so for dinner." I nod and lay my head against the pillow as everyone leaves, everyone but Zevran who sits on his bed and watches me sleep for a while, before kissing my forehead, pulling the blanket up a bit, turning out the light and leaving the tent. Wynne's words echo in my head one last time "it's not a matter of can, it's a matter of if." Can they fade? Yes. Will they fade? Who knows. I wonder as sleep takes me again.

To be continued...

It's late and I'm FenHawke trash and am a horrible person who "likes" to make my characters suffer but end with fluff.

What did you think? Whose your favorite of The Origional Group of Dorks and The Kirkwall Gang? Answer in the comments!!!

Until next time,
M